sally, check in, bull's eye, check out, thank u.

leading hall 4's darts team into this year's inter-hall recreation games as a first-timer myself, this was my experience.

hall 7 - 1:2

apparently they've a good tradition in inter-hall recreation, but some ppl said this year they're not tt strong. who knows. they're our first opponents.

i started on Board 2 yet still kena their best player. really a pity because it turned out i was on form and if i had played a weaker player i would definitely have won.

in my first and third set i checked in within 9 darts, in my second i did with my 1st dart. i practically hit whatever i wanted, many times hitting 3 consecutive 16s, which was my comfort zone. e opponent was equally good at checking in, but his throws were mostly unimpressive, going all over and hitting many low scores. it was quite e same story all 3 sets, both of us reaching e end almost together, but he checked out first twice, me only in e last set.

i sat out hall 6, which our guys got overwhelmed by their experienced male players, and overall lost 4-1.

hall 16 - 0:3

damn stupid, damn cok, damn lousy. we hoped to pick off hall 16 but i screwed up my match. im not sure about their other players but i got a lousy opponent, and i got whacked 3:0! wah damn sian.

i checked in within 3 darts for e first set and zipped to 150 in no time when he finally checked in. i could feel his stress but i think i got complacent. i couldn't check out, he caught up, n he left e building. in e second we both checked in within 9 darts, raced down together, but stupid me miscalculated, forgot to forfeit a crucial throw, and actually declared victory when i haven won. i lost e plot and he took e set and match in e next few throws. i forgot what happened in e third, i was basically thrashed by a 2nd-rate player.

(20mins later)
ok now i remember. i was trying to hit my double and this Lady Luck's friend, from a remainder of 35, hit 3, 12, and a 10-double with his 3 darts in hand. wtf.

hall 5 - 1:2

derby match. and they've been almost as bad as us. so i changed e team's goal to just beating our neighbour hall.

i tried my luck and named myself for Board 1, which has e responsibility to sally with e opponent to decide which team gets first-throw advantage. i was hoping it would gimme confidence, and i was glad e three throws combined for quite a high score to help e team. i felt abit worried my last opponent of e day was a former hall recreation secretary. he definitely can play; only how well. i checked in early and raced off, he chased and caught up. i had deja vu all around me but lucky i kept my cool and converted to lead 1:0. i felt more relaxed for e second set thinking ive a real chance of winning this time. we were neck-to-neck, i was trying to hit an easy 7-double, but i wasnt focused enough and he took it. shit. i felt e momentum was all with him and guess what happened next. when i needed my form in this most crucial of times, i took almost ten rounds to check in (oh cmon tt's like 30 darts leh). it was so noob even he consoled me. i didnt catch up, i was hoping he would get stuck like me, but he was trying for his comfort zone of 6-double, so i was up against fate.

we lost e derby as well. sucks.

hall 15 - 2:1

since we even lost to hall 5, this was our only redemption left. hall 15 is stuck at e bottom of e group with us and by now our objective was to just beat em.

i checked in with my 1st dart but he struggled. and although i wasnt on form i took e first set before he could catch up. i checked in afew darts later than him in e second, we ran down together, and he had better luck this set. i could feel myself getting a little complacent and throwing rather awry shots, so to avoid a repeat of e hall 5 match i needed to stay awake. but it got worse. he checked in early, while like yesterday i took almost ten rounds to do so. it was a chasing game but i decided to ignore it all, thinking ive lost, and just throw my darts. as i slowly ran down, i realised he was struggling to check out with 1-double, and i saw hope. it was e kinda day when no matter how he throws he just cant hit e right spot. so i slowly picked my spot. i tried various doubles, but as e clock ran down i decided to pit myself against his 1-double to avoid losing by time-expire. guess what. after he took more than 40 darts to hit 1-double, i took match point first. it was great.

alas, it was not to be. we won 2, then lost 2, and it was up to gary at Board 1 to decide e tie. and, for e lack of another phrase, it was not to be.

hall 2 - 0:3

we had no chance left and faced a powerhouse in our final match, wth.

but things became a little complicated. hall 2 didnt destroy everyone in their path, hall 6 took top spot in e group, and now they have to whack us 5:0 to edge out hall 9.

gary had left so jianli came in and i took Board 1. expectedly, they planned their lineup conservatively, hence we had a captain-vs-captain match. this guy had fast and direct throws, and was most comfortable in e 20-zone, even opting for 20-double as check-in. we both checked in early, but his run-down was scary. in no time he was checking out, and he took e set before i even reach 40. i saw a thrashing coming, but since it was e last match i just wanted to enjoy it. in e second i checked in with my first dart and was e first to try leaving, but he caught up and did first. with a surprise check-out he took e match. so we're left with e last set, and something crazy happened. i checked in early, and somehow something happened to him. he just could not check into e game. e further i went and expected him to utter "check", it never seemed to come. he finally did when i was left with around 100. before he posed any real threat i was already settled with some good doubles to check out. when he neared and i haven left, he was still calculating like a mathematician and aiming all over e board to create some good opportunities for himself.

and. i still lost. wth.

jianli's opponent was a reserve, and i thought either me or yewhan would have beaten him if i had named either of us to Board 3. then i realised, no wonder jianli named himself to tt Board. it was his friend and both reserves wanted to play each other.

but things took a turn. i didnt realise, jianli actually won e tie. with tt, hall 4 took 1 of 5 points off hall 2, and eliminated em. we later saw their team in a debrief looking damn serious, with afew in tears. what's worse, jianli's friend, who lost e semi final place for hall 2, was alone emo-ing. jianli's friendly match became e decider and e rest is history.

haha ok maybe it's retribution for e manner hall 2 played their male vball match against us, which was utter unsportsman shit.

dont need a title

they gave my hall jersey number to a freshie. wtf.

says alot about, firstly, a crumbling system and tradition and, secondly, my proven low status in hall.

jianli summed it up e best: "不会做人."

p.s. freshie (who happens to be from my OG), it's not ur fault and im not blaming u, dun worry.

once again, wtf.

dope and poison

on my usual traveling around with my ipod, i realised i haven't changed e playlist back to e normal. it was still e run drug. e prescription needed to boost my marathon challenge afew days back. and it struck me how much e right music can really help.

these were some of what i had while burning off e last 21 km of e full.

It's not too hard if we start to believe
And we're not gonna take anymore
Can we try to erase all the pain
So please

I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up high
Hey I made it
I'm the world's greatest
I can feel it
I'm the world's greatest

It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain't even lucky
Got to make your own breaks

Break break with the enemy
But no matter how many cats I break bread with
I'll break who you sending me
I've been doing this for nineteen years
Wanna fight me? Fight these tears
Talk too much for too long
Don't give up you're too strong

Sometimes you just feel tired. You feel weak. And when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up. But you gotta search within you, find that inner strength and just pull that shit out of you, and get that motivation to not give up, and not be a quitter.

This is your moment
and every single minute you spend trying to hold on to it cause you may never get it again
So while you’re in it try to get as much shit as you can
and when your run is over just admit when it's at its end
That’s why you see me walking around like nothing’s bothering me
Even though half you people got a fucking problem with me
You hate it but you know respect you got to give me

If you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted, one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king

Time for me to just stand up, and travel new land
Time for me to just take matters into my own hands
Once I'm over these tracks man I may never look back

爱情是你独特的味道
在我的心中围绕
因为你 世界不再单调
我的微笑 你明白就很好
你的微笑 编织了每一个奇妙

And hold on before it's too late
We'll run til we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me

你累了没有 可否伸出双手
想拥抱 怎能握着拳头
不管世界尽头多寂寞 你的身边一定有我
我们说过不管天高地厚
想飙到那最高最远最辽阔
没看见那天高地厚不肯放手

Cause i, need time,
My heart is numb has no feeling
So while im still healing
Just try and have a little patience

不要讓他們得逞
我不要變成他們要我們變成的那種人
我一條命 一個人
我自己有我相信的永恆之外的永恆
整條街都自己人 猿人不殺死猿人
我要活就要活得比別人還要狠 還要瘋

And when your back's against the wall
Just turn around and you, you will see
I will catch your, I will catch your fall
Just have a little faith, faith in me

我讨厌下雨天 亲爱的你快出现

You think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive

We get it on most every night
when that moon is big and bright
it's a supernatural delight
everybody's dancing in the moonlight

and. unfortunately. some not-so-right additions.

On a Monday, I am waiting
Tuesday, I am fading
And by Wednesday, I can't sleep
Then the phone rings, I hear you
And the darkness is a clear view
Cuz you've come to rescue me
Fall... With you, I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath, I hope it lasts

Down down down down
Down down down down
Down down down down
Down down down down
It gets me so

But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now believe me
Now you've got to face the pain
And the devil's got a fresh new place to play
In your brain like a maze you can never escape the rain
Every damn day is the same shade of Grey
But you proved to me unintentionally
That you would self-destruct eventually
All you got is a memory of pain
Nothing makes sense so you stare at the ground

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

而我知道有一天你可能就这么走掉
我就是受不了
而我知道放开手但不知道怎么忘掉
却还是这么难熬

hahaha. kill me please.

reading while running

some interesting words that runners had on their tops.

always on the run

follow me if ya wanna be 2nd

reason to run: because i haven't done it in a while

impossible is possible with I-M-POSSIBLE

don't look behind, im in front

i will run. will you?

running for presidency next

and u know. race organisers always like to place huge display boards with motivational phrases together with e distance markers. when u do forty-two good kilometres, there are many of them. some are corny but some can be rather refreshing or, simply, work.

im proud of you!

when the going gets tough, the tough get going

tough times don't last, but tough runners do

every step is one less to go

forty two.one ninety five

a blow-by-blow account of my 2008 Singapore Marathon.

D-6
begin hydration routine of doubled fluid intake

D-1
8 hours of sleep
cut intake of spicy food
reduced physical exertion
increased carbs intake
prepare run accessories - tights, waterproofed mp3 player, hairband, sport shades, comfortable socks
*where i should have gone for a light but powerful diet to reduce my running weight e next day

H-7
increased hydration
consume energy chews

H-1
consume first banana
optimal hydration
light carbs-focused breakfast
consume redbull for sugar, taurine, sodium and metabolism
consume second banana

H-hour
robin and i started around 15mins after e flag-off haha. we went down shenton way towards tanjong pagar as like most other major runs in singapore. within 1 or 2 km, we saw e kenyan runners looping back in our opposite direction. crazy. they had already come back from robinson road.

4 km
we had looped back to e start point.
sighted e sis, ah keng, adidas runspirator.

raffles ave (esplanade)
my first major run which i had to go to e toilet this early. haha.

singapore flyer

republic ave-nicoll highway
robin and i split.

shaw towers loop
sighted sze ee.

mountbatten road-fort road
sighted alex lim.

7 km
first fluid replenishment. i had to balance drink-even-when-not-thirsty well with overdrinking. past experiences tell me that both are not fun when done wrongly. and please control. half a cup is good enough.

8 km
entered e dreaded east coast park stretch.

10 km
a quarter laid to rest.

14 km
first application of deepheat rub. e legs are feeling it.
first walk stop. although i was still perfect, it's wise to control my capacity. i didnt train much for this 42km so a run-all-e-way strategy is out. and as they say, even a fit body may not be able to endure a course of this distance, even if e lungs and stamina are good. if i run e first half, i might just die e rest of e way. as they say, a run-walk strategy may be better than a run-as-much-as-possible-first strategy.

16 km
sighted chalven, in e opposite direction. tt crazy commando officer.

17 km
many people started to stop to stretch and apply deepheat rub and spray. e effects are settling in.

19 km
begin a consistent run-walk strategy. run 2 km, walk 1/4 km.

20 km
east coast park loop

21 km
"here we go again!"
e mp3 drug comes into play.

22 km
sighted sze ee again.
receive electrolyte gel

27 km
went past trixie's water station. as always, she was pissed with someone/something and had tt pissed look.

29 km
exited east coast park. e legs are beginning to give way as my run-walk strategy got harder to follow. knees, thighs, hamstrings, right calf and right shoulder are worst.

fort road-mountbatten road
sighted alex lim again.

31 km
damn hungry. lucky we had a banana station.
sighted sern yong and chi hua.

32 km
fuck. 10 more. come on!

kallang road-crawford street
heavy noon traffic. sucks. vehicle exhaust killing us. run-walk strategy became walk 1 km, run 1/2 km.
sighted alex lim again.

35 km
e lungs and stamina are finally feeling it. e remaining is not going to be easy.

37 km
fuck. 5 more!

38 km
running on e F1 track. entered e pit area. where a ferrari exhibition was being held. woots.

39 km
3 km is nothing.
into e sunny stretch on e marina bay floating platform.

41 km
i started to hear and smell padang. managed to draw enough strength to run e last 1/2 km.

41.990 km
as they say, don't make a sprint finish. enjoy e final stretch, e reception, and e feat.

42.195 km
i am a marathoner. are u?

a storm i'll have to face

"Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing direction. You change direction, but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn.

Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverised bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over.

But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about."

Kafka On The Shore, Haruki Murakami

i think 201, 208, 401, 402 can be whacked upside down by 207 anyday

COM207: Communication History & Theories, taught by Dr Ben Detenber, new Chair of WKWSCI.
one of e ten core modules required to graduate from this place with a communications degree. bachelor ok. and they put us through such shit. well last year we were complaining about 208; this time we hear seniors grumbling about 401; 402 is definitely not easy either. but hey 208 eventually reached enlightenment? we struggled together but came good together. 401, 402? i dont care yet. 207 we struggled till e very end and still did not know what e hell was going on.

msn nicks and facebook status are sometimes e best representations of what misery and adversity people are going through. especially when they're alone.

there are at least two people named charles/harold/ludwig/george/william/mead/herbert/robert in 207
huimin

Jacq would kill for chocolate, big hug, and anyone willing to go for 207 for her
jacq

207 burnout. not studying anymore. come what may!
thad

two hundred and seven ways to kill yourself
chrys

kurtlewinlazarsfeldlasswelldarwinfreudhovlandyitingisawesomemarxbleyerschramm
yiting

for those who understand, im starting to think that detenber is actually ichimaru gin in disguise
jin

FUCK ALL THE DEAD COMMUNICATION FUCKERS IN THE WORLD AND FUCK YOU TOO DETENBER!
cameron

actually hitler invented comm studies
melvin

if hitler had been a lot more efficient we wouldnt have to study 207
lyon

we are great grandkids of schramm if u follow e timeline
amos

detenber should collate all e 207 msn nicks and show to students
weili

and a dozen others had nicks in chinese. how bad can it get.

and after e paper.

207 breaks my heart
yiting

NO MORE DEAD SCHOLARS
melvin

i had to think so hard during 207 exams it gave me a headache. serious.
me

what an experience. with this in e bag i feel like i can do anything else. maybe we just went through e CS baptism of fire unknowingly.

p.s. i started compiling these rather late. i think i missed some classics. help me if u will? remind me with those i missed.

and then she left.

Californication, a 2007 american tv series about a writer whose move to California and a writer's block cause problems for his relationship with his wife and daughter. he is plagued by personal demons, including a sex addiction that basically fills up the bulk of the show's airtime. but no, ur not gonna see much of that when it runs on local tv. this is singapore.

im not exactly hooked to e show but i like e following. this scene says so much. not e usual kind of breakup or rejection or unrequitedness. u can feel e weariness. he's drained. it's like a sort of mature understanding that u have to let go. that leaving is e only option. or rather, unlike usual, she is leaving, u don't have to. n she's leaving u in a terrible, static ditch that ur already resigned to.

u happy?
just a simple question. are u happy?

i don't even know what that means anymore.

does he make u happy?

yes.

bullshit. no.
did i make u happy?

u didnt make me happy. u made me fucking insane.

ur saying i never made u happy, i made u insane.

oh yea. once upon a time u made me happy. but then u made me crazy.

well. that's a hell of a way to sum up a decade-long love affair.

well, mr moody. how would u sum it up?

i would say we loved each other too much. too much.
and i think i made a mistake in trying to get it right the first time. and that put an insane amount of pressure on us to keep it going.
and we buckled.

u don't wanna be with me. u think i know u think u do.
ur not in love with me, hank. ur in love with the idea of love.

a neverending flood, an assault of opposites that catch you out

"A dark omnipresent pool of water.

It was probably always there, hidden away somewhere. But when the time comes it silently rushes out, chilling every cell in your body.

You drown in that cruel flood, gasping for breath. You cling to a vent near the ceiling, struggling, but the air you manage to breathe is dry and burns your throat. Water and thirst, cold and heat - these supposedly opposite elements combine to assault you."

Your heart is like a great river after a long spell of rain, spilling over its banks. All signposts that once stood on the ground are gone, inundated and carried away by that rush of water. And still the rain beats down on the surface of the river. Every time you see a flood like that on the news you tell yourself: That's it. That's my heart."

Kafka On The Shore, Haruki Murakami

death(s)

an msn convo i found rather interesting haha. in e tradition of COM207 which im mugging now, e Two-Step Flow model of passing on news.

T: dya know someone was mauled to death by tigers at e zoo?

S: huh rlly?

T: oh ya ur in hall.

S: how come?
the tiger escaped meh

T: suicide.
he jumped into e tiger place.

S: what a way to die

T: crazy fella.
got 20 zookeepers.
tried to distract e tigers.
n u watch Xing Guang 3 isit?

S: like v slow and painful death leh

T: ya lor for 5-10minutes.

S: are you bluffing me btw

T: WT*? for wat.

S: what xing guang what white tigers

T: i ask u watch or not.

S: ya but what does tt have to do w tigers?

T: white tigers mauled e man.
n another news.
who was third?

S: erm.
whos second.

T: third is this girl. Li sth Ning.

S: li chu ning

T: yea she died too.

S: HUH!
how come?

T: suicide.

S: WHY?

T: love.

S: omg how?
huh. omg.
why so many pple wanna die
its quite sad
what they live for

T: CO poisoning.
in car.

S: oh
thats what i would choose

T: haha ive made u talk philosophical.

love is measured by fullness, not by reception

phoebe surprised me.

like i was to many people in e past, when love comes crashing down, some people will appear around u, which u never saw coming. she became a someone. i guess she could just relate. n she taught me e term 'comfort food'.

thanks for e little things, phoebe. it will and still hurts but im glad for u and i appreciate all of it.

and when u never knew, e people nearest may just be e most ready to give their love. thank u, mabel. u never asked for anything, just ready to give.

for all the wisdom and "experience" friends say i have, i guess it hurts e most when such things happen to myself. coz if u know me, i love as hard as it can go. i dont like things around to restrain me. coz i believe if u want that someone to be e most important person in ur life, u better treat her that way and show her she is. i believe we only love once so might as well make e most of it. at least to know that u gave ur all, is comforting.

phoebe got me hooked onto how words, when used perfectly and in e right mix, can express so much.

"The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost."

"You never lose by loving. You always lost by holding back."

"An act of love that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that succeeds, for love is measured by fullness, not by reception." Harold Lokes

"Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart do not know how to laugh either."

how do i let go.

falling

"It was vertigo.

A heady, insuperable longing to fall...

We might also call vertigo the intoxication of the weak. Aware of his weakness, a man decides to give in rather than stand up to it. He is drunk with weakness, wishes to grow even weaker, wishes to fall down in the middle of the main square in front of everybody, wishes to be down, lower than down."

The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera

hating love?

"Have you ever been in love?

Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up.

You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life.

You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'Maybe we should just be friends' or 'How very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.

It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love."

In Love, Neil Gaiman

说好的幸福呢？

你的回话凌乱着
在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽
甜蜜散落了

情绪莫名的拉扯
我还爱你呢
而你断断续续唱着歌
假装没事了

时间过了 走了
爱情面临选择
你冷了 倦了 我哭了
离开时的不快乐
你用卡片手写着
有些爱只给到这
真的痛了

怎么了 你累了 说好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不说了 爱淡了 梦远了
开心与不开心一一细数着
你再不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻
我都还记得

你不等了 说好的 幸福呢
我错了 泪干了 放手了 后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢

怎么了
你累了
说好的
幸福呢
我懂了
不说了
爱淡了
梦远了
我都还记得

你不等了 说好的 幸福呢
我错了 泪干了 放手了 后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢

oh man. emo song of e emo season. delivered every time jaychou's new album comes around.

welcome to my world.

of wounds and scars

"the wounds fester openly now.

i wish i could find an explanation for all these things that're going on in my life, in my mind right now. i wish someone could tell me why these seemingly-beautiful things can go so wrong within such a short span of time.

we all know this kinda pain doesn't just go away like that, any fool can tell you that. they linger and come back every now and then to gnaw and feed on your soul. you can't be completely cured. the only hope you can have is for the scab to form as soon as possible without an infection taking place.

even so, you just get reminded everytime you see the scars."