reading while running

some interesting words that runners had on their tops.

always on the run

follow me if ya wanna be 2nd

reason to run: because i haven't done it in a while

impossible is possible with I-M-POSSIBLE

don't look behind, im in front

i will run. will you?

running for presidency next

and u know. race organisers always like to place huge display boards with motivational phrases together with e distance markers. when u do forty-two good kilometres, there are many of them. some are corny but some can be rather refreshing or, simply, work.

im proud of you!

when the going gets tough, the tough get going

tough times don't last, but tough runners do

every step is one less to go

forty two.one ninety five

a blow-by-blow account of my 2008 Singapore Marathon.

D-6
begin hydration routine of doubled fluid intake

D-1
8 hours of sleep
cut intake of spicy food
reduced physical exertion
increased carbs intake
prepare run accessories - tights, waterproofed mp3 player, hairband, sport shades, comfortable socks
*where i should have gone for a light but powerful diet to reduce my running weight e next day

H-7
increased hydration
consume energy chews

H-1
consume first banana
optimal hydration
light carbs-focused breakfast
consume redbull for sugar, taurine, sodium and metabolism
consume second banana

H-hour
robin and i started around 15mins after e flag-off haha. we went down shenton way towards tanjong pagar as like most other major runs in singapore. within 1 or 2 km, we saw e kenyan runners looping back in our opposite direction. crazy. they had already come back from robinson road.

4 km
we had looped back to e start point.
sighted e sis, ah keng, adidas runspirator.

raffles ave (esplanade)
my first major run which i had to go to e toilet this early. haha.

singapore flyer

republic ave-nicoll highway
robin and i split.

shaw towers loop
sighted sze ee.

mountbatten road-fort road
sighted alex lim.

7 km
first fluid replenishment. i had to balance drink-even-when-not-thirsty well with overdrinking. past experiences tell me that both are not fun when done wrongly. and please control. half a cup is good enough.

8 km
entered e dreaded east coast park stretch.

10 km
a quarter laid to rest.

14 km
first application of deepheat rub. e legs are feeling it.
first walk stop. although i was still perfect, it's wise to control my capacity. i didnt train much for this 42km so a run-all-e-way strategy is out. and as they say, even a fit body may not be able to endure a course of this distance, even if e lungs and stamina are good. if i run e first half, i might just die e rest of e way. as they say, a run-walk strategy may be better than a run-as-much-as-possible-first strategy.

16 km
sighted chalven, in e opposite direction. tt crazy commando officer.

17 km
many people started to stop to stretch and apply deepheat rub and spray. e effects are settling in.

19 km
begin a consistent run-walk strategy. run 2 km, walk 1/4 km.

20 km
east coast park loop

21 km
"here we go again!"
e mp3 drug comes into play.

22 km
sighted sze ee again.
receive electrolyte gel

27 km
went past trixie's water station. as always, she was pissed with someone/something and had tt pissed look.

29 km
exited east coast park. e legs are beginning to give way as my run-walk strategy got harder to follow. knees, thighs, hamstrings, right calf and right shoulder are worst.

fort road-mountbatten road
sighted alex lim again.

31 km
damn hungry. lucky we had a banana station.
sighted sern yong and chi hua.

32 km
fuck. 10 more. come on!

kallang road-crawford street
heavy noon traffic. sucks. vehicle exhaust killing us. run-walk strategy became walk 1 km, run 1/2 km.
sighted alex lim again.

35 km
e lungs and stamina are finally feeling it. e remaining is not going to be easy.

37 km
fuck. 5 more!

38 km
running on e F1 track. entered e pit area. where a ferrari exhibition was being held. woots.

39 km
3 km is nothing.
into e sunny stretch on e marina bay floating platform.

41 km
i started to hear and smell padang. managed to draw enough strength to run e last 1/2 km.

41.990 km
as they say, don't make a sprint finish. enjoy e final stretch, e reception, and e feat.

42.195 km
i am a marathoner. are u?

a storm i'll have to face

"Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing direction. You change direction, but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn.

Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverised bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over.

But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about."

Kafka On The Shore, Haruki Murakami

i think 201, 208, 401, 402 can be whacked upside down by 207 anyday

COM207: Communication History & Theories, taught by Dr Ben Detenber, new Chair of WKWSCI.
one of e ten core modules required to graduate from this place with a communications degree. bachelor ok. and they put us through such shit. well last year we were complaining about 208; this time we hear seniors grumbling about 401; 402 is definitely not easy either. but hey 208 eventually reached enlightenment? we struggled together but came good together. 401, 402? i dont care yet. 207 we struggled till e very end and still did not know what e hell was going on.

msn nicks and facebook status are sometimes e best representations of what misery and adversity people are going through. especially when they're alone.

there are at least two people named charles/harold/ludwig/george/william/mead/herbert/robert in 207
huimin

Jacq would kill for chocolate, big hug, and anyone willing to go for 207 for her
jacq

207 burnout. not studying anymore. come what may!
thad

two hundred and seven ways to kill yourself
chrys

kurtlewinlazarsfeldlasswelldarwinfreudhovlandyitingisawesomemarxbleyerschramm
yiting

for those who understand, im starting to think that detenber is actually ichimaru gin in disguise
jin

FUCK ALL THE DEAD COMMUNICATION FUCKERS IN THE WORLD AND FUCK YOU TOO DETENBER!
cameron

actually hitler invented comm studies
melvin

if hitler had been a lot more efficient we wouldnt have to study 207
lyon

we are great grandkids of schramm if u follow e timeline
amos

detenber should collate all e 207 msn nicks and show to students
weili

and a dozen others had nicks in chinese. how bad can it get.

and after e paper.

207 breaks my heart
yiting

NO MORE DEAD SCHOLARS
melvin

i had to think so hard during 207 exams it gave me a headache. serious.
me

what an experience. with this in e bag i feel like i can do anything else. maybe we just went through e CS baptism of fire unknowingly.

p.s. i started compiling these rather late. i think i missed some classics. help me if u will? remind me with those i missed.

and then she left.

Californication, a 2007 american tv series about a writer whose move to California and a writer's block cause problems for his relationship with his wife and daughter. he is plagued by personal demons, including a sex addiction that basically fills up the bulk of the show's airtime. but no, ur not gonna see much of that when it runs on local tv. this is singapore.

im not exactly hooked to e show but i like e following. this scene says so much. not e usual kind of breakup or rejection or unrequitedness. u can feel e weariness. he's drained. it's like a sort of mature understanding that u have to let go. that leaving is e only option. or rather, unlike usual, she is leaving, u don't have to. n she's leaving u in a terrible, static ditch that ur already resigned to.

u happy?
just a simple question. are u happy?

i don't even know what that means anymore.

does he make u happy?

yes.

bullshit. no.
did i make u happy?

u didnt make me happy. u made me fucking insane.

ur saying i never made u happy, i made u insane.

oh yea. once upon a time u made me happy. but then u made me crazy.

well. that's a hell of a way to sum up a decade-long love affair.

well, mr moody. how would u sum it up?

i would say we loved each other too much. too much.
and i think i made a mistake in trying to get it right the first time. and that put an insane amount of pressure on us to keep it going.
and we buckled.

u don't wanna be with me. u think i know u think u do.
ur not in love with me, hank. ur in love with the idea of love.

a neverending flood, an assault of opposites that catch you out

"A dark omnipresent pool of water.

It was probably always there, hidden away somewhere. But when the time comes it silently rushes out, chilling every cell in your body.

You drown in that cruel flood, gasping for breath. You cling to a vent near the ceiling, struggling, but the air you manage to breathe is dry and burns your throat. Water and thirst, cold and heat - these supposedly opposite elements combine to assault you."

Your heart is like a great river after a long spell of rain, spilling over its banks. All signposts that once stood on the ground are gone, inundated and carried away by that rush of water. And still the rain beats down on the surface of the river. Every time you see a flood like that on the news you tell yourself: That's it. That's my heart."

Kafka On The Shore, Haruki Murakami

death(s)

an msn convo i found rather interesting haha. in e tradition of COM207 which im mugging now, e Two-Step Flow model of passing on news.

T: dya know someone was mauled to death by tigers at e zoo?

S: huh rlly?

T: oh ya ur in hall.

S: how come?
the tiger escaped meh

T: suicide.
he jumped into e tiger place.

S: what a way to die

T: crazy fella.
got 20 zookeepers.
tried to distract e tigers.
n u watch Xing Guang 3 isit?

S: like v slow and painful death leh

T: ya lor for 5-10minutes.

S: are you bluffing me btw

T: WT*? for wat.

S: what xing guang what white tigers

T: i ask u watch or not.

S: ya but what does tt have to do w tigers?

T: white tigers mauled e man.
n another news.
who was third?

S: erm.
whos second.

T: third is this girl. Li sth Ning.

S: li chu ning

T: yea she died too.

S: HUH!
how come?

T: suicide.

S: WHY?

T: love.

S: omg how?
huh. omg.
why so many pple wanna die
its quite sad
what they live for

T: CO poisoning.
in car.

S: oh
thats what i would choose

T: haha ive made u talk philosophical.

love is measured by fullness, not by reception

phoebe surprised me.

like i was to many people in e past, when love comes crashing down, some people will appear around u, which u never saw coming. she became a someone. i guess she could just relate. n she taught me e term 'comfort food'.

thanks for e little things, phoebe. it will and still hurts but im glad for u and i appreciate all of it.

and when u never knew, e people nearest may just be e most ready to give their love. thank u, mabel. u never asked for anything, just ready to give.

for all the wisdom and "experience" friends say i have, i guess it hurts e most when such things happen to myself. coz if u know me, i love as hard as it can go. i dont like things around to restrain me. coz i believe if u want that someone to be e most important person in ur life, u better treat her that way and show her she is. i believe we only love once so might as well make e most of it. at least to know that u gave ur all, is comforting.

phoebe got me hooked onto how words, when used perfectly and in e right mix, can express so much.

"The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost."

"You never lose by loving. You always lost by holding back."

"An act of love that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that succeeds, for love is measured by fullness, not by reception." Harold Lokes

"Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart do not know how to laugh either."

how do i let go.

falling

"It was vertigo.

A heady, insuperable longing to fall...

We might also call vertigo the intoxication of the weak. Aware of his weakness, a man decides to give in rather than stand up to it. He is drunk with weakness, wishes to grow even weaker, wishes to fall down in the middle of the main square in front of everybody, wishes to be down, lower than down."

The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera

hating love?

"Have you ever been in love?

Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up.

You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life.

You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'Maybe we should just be friends' or 'How very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.

It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love."

In Love, Neil Gaiman

说好的幸福呢？

你的回话凌乱着
在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽
甜蜜散落了

情绪莫名的拉扯
我还爱你呢
而你断断续续唱着歌
假装没事了

时间过了 走了
爱情面临选择
你冷了 倦了 我哭了
离开时的不快乐
你用卡片手写着
有些爱只给到这
真的痛了

怎么了 你累了 说好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不说了 爱淡了 梦远了
开心与不开心一一细数着
你再不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻
我都还记得

你不等了 说好的 幸福呢
我错了 泪干了 放手了 后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢

怎么了
你累了
说好的
幸福呢
我懂了
不说了
爱淡了
梦远了
我都还记得

你不等了 说好的 幸福呢
我错了 泪干了 放手了 后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢

oh man. emo song of e emo season. delivered every time jaychou's new album comes around.

welcome to my world.

of wounds and scars

"the wounds fester openly now.

i wish i could find an explanation for all these things that're going on in my life, in my mind right now. i wish someone could tell me why these seemingly-beautiful things can go so wrong within such a short span of time.

we all know this kinda pain doesn't just go away like that, any fool can tell you that. they linger and come back every now and then to gnaw and feed on your soul. you can't be completely cured. the only hope you can have is for the scab to form as soon as possible without an infection taking place.

even so, you just get reminded everytime you see the scars."

oh kay...

President, School Management Committee, Wee Kim Wee School of Communication & Information
Seat on the NTU Student Council
Ex-officio, Inter School Games 2008 Sports Committee
Subcommer, JCRC Publications, Hall IV
Subcommer, Public Relations, Touch of the Hearts, Hall IV
Subcommer, Stage Design, Drama Production, Hall IV
Performer, Sing 'n' Strum, JCRC Cultural, Hall IV
Writer, Nanyang Chronicle
Soccer captain, WKWSCI
Darts captain, Hall IV
Member, Sociology Society
Part-time lion dancer, Singapore Nanyang (Xinyang) Dragon & Lion Sports Centre / Nanyang Junior College Pugilistics Society and Alumni Dragon & Lion Dance Troupe / Singapore Nanyang Huang Shi Chung Huay Dragon & Lion
Freelance journalist, sportmag/singaporesports.sg

i can hear e sound of my GPA sliding away. im gonna die this year.

the enlightenment

a news story for e 15th September issue of Nanyang Chronicle - the premier NTU newspaper - covering the visit of CSJ to NTU in late August was spiked, not by editors, but by e NTU biggies in CopCom. some people have called it censorship at its ugliest.

and he said.

"i requested to see the article ("CSJ visits NTU" story) when i heard about it, right before it was published, due to its sensitive nature. after going through it, i thought the context (what CSJ said and espoused) was not clear enough thus affecting the conciseness of the article. i decided we should slot in CSJ's message so as to better support what the whole article is saying, though i knew by reinforcing an unsolicited visitor's words and giving him a free media platform would definitely anger CopCom and the article would most probably be killed. but why did i still do it? for journalism, as simple as that. it is not in our capacity as reporters to worry about the workings of the higher level. it is our job to provide and maintain good journalism."

Assistant Professor Dr Cherian George, Acting Head, Division of Journalism, Wee Kim Wee School of Communication & Information. he is also a prominent local journalist, columnist and critic. the expert in Singapore politics and media is well known for being part of the mavericks with Dr Catherine Lim who have stepped on the Emperor's toes.

disclaimer: those were not e exact words uttered; they're rewritten with e best recollection

Infinitum Voyage: the aftermath

i hope this will not be an extremely long post-foc post. like e one after CS foc. in fact i never intended to have one for this time. especially coz school begins in a little more than a day's time n i have more important stuff than blogging.

but to be honest. for all my love for SCI n still putting my school in higher regard than hall, hall camp 28Jul-2Aug was quite an experience.

firstly of course it was interesting for me personally coz my foot's hurt, as u should know by now. i returned to hall on crutches n was on crutches for Day 1. i was asked about it i think a hundred times by fellow ohmers, if u noticed my facebook status e last week. this is a highly physical n demanding camp n someone on crutches does not really fit in in any way. so tt's a reason why many of em found me exceptionally enthu tt i was there. it made me many new frens too, as my injury was a good icebreaker. therefore many ohmers i previously only knew existed became acquainted with me. im glad i recovered fast n tho still limping when camp broke, i went around for most activities without crutches.

secondly, this injury might have prevented me from fulfilling a dream of competing in e lion dance nationals, n pushing tt dream at least til a year later, im not gonna let this injury prevent me from finally coming full circle, another one-year wait, for my chance at hall camp after withdrawin last year due to anaemia. it was tough not getting to know more people n altho ive come a long way since then, i still aimed to finally be a part of it.

but this post is specially crafted to be about my OG, Eden.

as an SA to my Counsellors (similar to OGLs) xiwen, johnson n jianli, i was supposed to be e rah-rah force who would be there for all 5 days. e kind of key SA. unfortunately with my injury i could not, n for afew other reasons Eden's originally powerful ensemble of SAs did not materialise. of course, Minister Mentor alex lim, jieying, jon, isabelle, brandon, junwei, nina, eileen are excellent SAs tt everyone would want n ive to give alot of credit to em. but they are such high-profile figures n veterans in Hall IV tt they'll surely take a backseat. our youthful force was non-existent, with many of our original SAs not present most of e camp. sucha force was apparent in all three other OGs, n it worked magic for em.

but more about my Eden freshies. altho i cant boast a camp record like MM alex lim, but this OG was indeed an eye-opener for me. i discovered, sometimes when as seniors u give 200%, e OG may still not eventually be what u want it to be. if u know me well, im super competitive in such camps, believing tt competition, winning, n focusing ur energies on ur 'enemies' are e best ingredients for a strongly bonded OG. Mee Tai Mak fought n fought n was second, but at least we managed to make everyone else hate us. i transferred tt force into Linguine for my second CS foc, n altho they didnt fire off as well as MTM, by e end they were equally fierce, also finishing close runners-up. at tt very camp, i also learnt something new on OG Fusilli. they were quite bad at games, n lost almost everything. it was a good representation of their 'relaxing' seniors, who arnt e most competitive as i know em. but Fusilli deserve huge credit for being one of e most bonded, fun, n sporting group. altho they were consistently last, they cheered like no other n seriously were enjoying emselves. their seniors focused on building from e inside, with e camp only as a backdrop. it was not very me but it's still a great concept.

Eden did not fire off too. but it became a much bigger headache than anything. slowly slowly as i got to know em, i realised they're not going to be in e MTM model. they absolutely had no catalysts. n unlike Linguine, no one looked capable of standing up. or should i say, interested to do so. Eden is e kind where u have a whole bunch of freshies who arnt interested. many of em arnt mild, they're bo chap. n tt boded very badly for e OG. even with people like MM alex lim in our OG, who has so much camp experience n charisma, i saw moments of exasperation in him. i knew we might have to take e Fusilli model. but things were not tt simple. eventually, i can only say, it was e Eden model. for all e people reading this who have a good load of camp experience, i can tell u, this Eden is almost unmatched. i dont know in what sense, but they're just too unique. especially if even MM alex lim thinks so.

alex lim just graduated n returned as an SA. he has camp experience like almost no one. tt's why people conferred him Minister Mentor. frankly with all due respect, super-senior marcus is more senior n has seen more but alex lim is quite in a league of his own. he was last year's foc's awesome Chief Counsellor, previous year he was JCRC vice-president, in Year One he was JCRC Sports Sec. for his experience in hall, he is equally high-profile in NBS, where in e same manner he is MM. during poly he went to every camp too. he has revealed before tt when he entered poly n then uni he would have already mapped out what he wanted to do in a non-academic capacity. even in joint-hall, where e most prominent people in NTU's 16 halls congregate, alex lim is a legend. i still recall e mundane joint-hall carnival afew months back tt became a bustling affair with laughs all round when alex lim came n took e mic, volunteering as an emcee. in e badminton scene too, he is so high-profile, coming from a Montfort background n IVP status. when u watch him at camps, his abilities really can take ur breath away. i know, it cant be rosy everywhere n this man has his flaws, everyone who knows him will tell u tt, but no one has denied him e respect n admiration for what he can do tt no ordinary man can.

*this is the point i stopped writing this post and left it static for 8 months*

Eden's seniors had to come together twice durin camp to talk about e OG, what to do, n where to go from here. that was how bad n serious it was. we looked upon it as an emergency n a matter of gravity. e seniors could all see that our three counsellors were really exhausted managin this bunch of freshies. did u all notice, freshies? it was so bad that for e fun of it all we had to come up w a phrase to encapsulate what Eden is about. "我们又是最后了". hur hur.

*i left here the initials "SLMSS" but i don't recall what it stands for!*

let quotes speak for themselves.

MM alex lim, at e end of Initiation, sunrise, hilltop behind Hall IV:
"after so long, this is my final camp. as u all officially start hall life, mine ends today and im moving out. (he starts to tear) thank u. im really very proud. ive never seen an OG that lost everything. u all are the first."

me:
"i admit at times during the camp i was disappointed. but i must say im also extremely proud of u guys now that we're at the end. if i ever only have 8 freshies in my OG (only 8 left at Initiation) i might not have the motivation to continue anymore. and the most touching was seeing the way u guys prepared through the day for the skit. yes there was hesitance. there was hesitance throughout the camp. but everyone was a leader during the preparations. and i think i then understood. everyone in this OG plays a little part in making things work. it was really moving."

alex lim, at SP night:
"(after Eden's song performance) if we're on Day 1 or 2, u would never see them sing like that. that's how much they've changed. 3 years in poly, ive been to every camp. 3 years in uni, ive been to every camp. i have to say, this time, it was e toughest. i thought ive seen everything. i thought im already quite good. until i met Eden. when we cheer so hard, even after a few days, some of u still barely moved. some of u don't wanna clap or join in. some of u stay on ur phones for so long, or stand alone in ur own world, and u ignore the seniors. i must say u all taught me something new, a new lesson. ive seen other GLs come to me asking for help or reflecting that so-and-so freshie is problematic. but every time i ask ur counsellors, they would just say u guys are tired. ur counsellors never once gave up on u guys. it says a lot about the faith they had in u guys. our skit that night, only we understood it. but so what. we enjoyed it, that's the most important thing. nobody knows what we went through. Midas might have won Best OG but to me, we went through the most and all of us learnt the most. who cares about the little gifts and stupid cards after a camp. those are surface only. our experience was something truly inside."

*ok don't too emo. 8 months ago i intended to end off this entry with a little on what this camp opened my eyes to Hall IV's traditions. chill abit.*

unlike talking about CS foc where there are some taboos to avoid, recapping about hall camp will be much easier because here traditions are really traditions. as in, they go quite some time back. since Hall IV is one of e oldest halls around. our foc has some powerful n sturdy traditions tt we're extremely proud of n i must admit were eye-openers to me as a first-time participant.

e unique Hall IV cheer.
我要看到我的脸 photo formation.
十字路口.
Senior vs Junior: Ultimate Challenge.
e photo we must always take at e long staircase at nanyang lake's playground. which later will become a sabo. haha.
e awesome hokkien debate.
Initiation til sunrise. includin e hardcore human pyramid up e slope.
e traditional whacking rite of passage.
a yam seng with our special drink.

*til next foc! (4 months' time)*