and a dream ends.

e date was march 15. my first formal training to compete in e National Lion Dance Championships this year. i was 21 then, in e sport for more than 4 years. we thot, "why not?". if we procrastinate more, we may just be too old for it already. n i seriously thot we're technically ready to compete on e biggest stage.

i was e drummer, originally. but by e next training, i was converted to 狮尾 to better suit competition requirements. no problem at all. i like to think i can take on different challenges. moreover, i was trained from my earliest days as a 狮尾.

it is now 4 months n 11 days later. tmr was to be e big day. my zone qualifier for a shot at e finals at ngee ann city. but for all e hard work n sacrifices, it's over before even e first sound of e drum.

we were supposed to have a final run yesterday. but on thursday my sole felt extremely uncomfortable. it's been niggling me for weeks, often at trainings. it's an old injury, i believe hurt twice before, first by a bad landing, then an accident when a bench dropped on tt foot. but e full extent just came back without warning. so i told myself, rest it well, if i cant rehearse one last time, just chiong on sunday itself. giving up never once came across.

indeed, like a miracle, thru my attentive massaging of healing cream, icing e area, n just stayin stationary, on friday morning things were lookin up. but i knew i better not risk it, so i chose not to train a final time. i followed along to watch em, tho, to give em moral support. tt trip out of my comfort zone aggravated my foot a little, n e pain once again became throbbing.

like how many people around me had advised, n since i decided against going out on competition eve, which included e temple trip, i should at least pray at home. friday night, things returned to original n when home, in e dark, i kneeled, with tt excruciating pain, infront of my 观音菩萨's altar. i prayed i'll recover by sunday, if not 100% at least good enough to compete, tt we've all come a long way n this is not fair, tt im only 36 hours away n ur my only hope.

most of my teammates travelled to 四马路's 观音庙 today. im sure they prayed for my well-being. but also for e competition. so i had to recover. sheila told me she'll pray for me too, n i trust she will. if e elements are punking me now, at least im trying to get e gods onto my side.

n when i woke up today, my biggest nightmare happened. or rather, i wouldnt even have dreamt of it. e toe area felt quite e same, but out of nowhere, theres now a sharp pain in my ankle n i cannot almost move it anymore. before this, i could still force myself to compete with a pain in my sole n toe. but without my ankle, i can do nothing. i cant 坐头360, i cant climb e steps, i cant leap across e 'valley'. this being my left ankle, i also would not be able to execute e three 单脚.

how did my body fail me so badly. each time im battered down i come back stronger n go for more. this time, i think even e divine could do nothing. or is it intended? tt was my first thot. for all e calls for intervention, i actually received something worse tt outright denies me. is it fate, is it written? it seems like i wasnt answered, but could this be e answer? at tt moment i felt so spiritual. maybe i really shouldnt be competing.

i had resisted seeing a doc coz i know they'll prevent me from competing or wrap up my foot dramatically. then i realised today i need to get an MC in e scenario i really cant recover. it cant get us a postponement, but we'll get an honorary withdrawal. if we just disappear without explanation, we'll receive a 3-year ban from any lion dance activity. so how did an old injury return with a worse swell? how did something totally different pop up n so intense? apparently they could be linked. e GP reckons a possible stress fracture accumulated over time. i'll know after an x-ray.

e whole team came all e way down from west coast to my clinic in hougang. i hated myself for bringing em down, but they reassured me my body's e most important thing, tt we can always compete next year. it was encouraging. e superstitious jiajun even said this could all be a sign, to prevent me from competing, maybe something bad might happen, tt im being protected by higher entities. shannon related tt when 黄师父 heard e news, he shot back to e day we 点睛 for our new competition lion, when we dropped e two 大吉 n 大利 attachments from e lion's crown, an ominous n unlucky sign, tt he already felt uneasy. benwei n vincent just kept insisting tt my foot's staying with me rest of my life, competition's only this time, n i should think carefully.

am i disappointed. i would be lying if i said no. i wanted to get this done, a milestone in my life, be able to say ive competed in e nationals. i trained so hard n for so long. some days when there were only me, jiajun n adrian. or even on one occasion only e two 狮头狮尾. i can proudly say from e bottom of my heart i did put in alot. when i was struck with e recurrence, i still truly believed i would compete, altho i had only 3 days to recover. i thot, ive come this far, even if i limp i will still go out there n do it.

e team n other people who knew about it were worried for me, at e same time disappointed about how things have turned out. i wanna say im ok. i take it in my stride. im optimistic, but im not sure about what. coz when i think of it, i sink again. i wanna say sorry to my teammates. i dont know if u all know how much this opportunity means to me. tho we've ran into problems, n not everyone could commit on e same level, i would not have had this chance without each n every one of u. 黄师父, sorry n thank u as well. all u did was out of ur own generosity. i cant repay it.

n now im goin back to Hall IV FOC with a bandaged foot n on crutches. how our world is always characterised by such amazing revolutions. last year i had to retire from this very camp due to anaemia, which ive never suffered from previously, on Day 1. this time, im all ready to be part of it. n now this.