and a dream ends. (II)

i didnt wanna give up so easily partly due to readin e many recent stories of inspiring n great Olympians in e media's lead-in to Beijing '08.

long distance multiple record-holder Paula Radcliffe just had a fractured thigh bone n is 35. doctors told her it's impossible to recover in time. she's training overtime now to not just compete, but to win next month. swimmer Eric Shanteau recently discovered he has testicular cancer but is still going to beijing, postponing surgery til after e Games. 78 days before her competition date, Silken Laumann saw her leg sliced apart in a rowing accident. after five operations n with a heavily strapped leg, she rowed to a bronze medal at Barcelona '92. dusk had arrived. e winner returned two hours ago n was about to receive his medal. then John Stephen Akhwari limped into e stadium at Mexico '68. he was last in e marathon event, he had bandages on his leg n a bruised shoulder from a fall, but he still finished e punishing test.

their bodies had let em or are letting em down, but they refused to be stopped. they reached for something within em tt differentiates em from e ordinary. e repetitive shots of inspiration put me in such a mental locomotive. but i dont know. it was not to be.

i had surrendered to circumstances yesterday. as a team we decided this year's dream is over. only e happening of a major miracle could change it. e sort unexplainable by science. i needed to heal instantly overnight from a rather grim situation. but something inside me, ive to admit, still held out for tt. i didnt know what's gonna save me, but e saved usually do not know right? couple tt with a strange gut belief in e supernatural. then i saw mingqi's sms tt she had prayed in e middle of e night at her elaborate altar of a house in a formal ritual. she believed too, saying a strange feeling came to her too.

it was terribly uncomfortable getting into bed n sleeping, but i woke up suddenly at some ghostly hours, with my foot feeling light. i ripped off my ankle guard n used e nearby ice-pack. it was suddenly so airy n utopic. was it happening? did they intend for me to miss e final training, even run up to e competition thinking im done? then give me back my chance? at tt moment i seriously felt there could be fairies working overtime constructing my ankle n foot, with deities standing around my bed lookin on, wise n smiling. i got a little mental, i must admit. those readin this please dont report me to buangkok or what.

coz then scepticism kicked in. or to fulfil e irony of it all, should actually call it realism. i thot, maybe it's my painkillers that are working. i took em some time before sleep, n there were no effects. yet.

i felt a hard n aching foot when i woke up just now. doesn feel good at all. but tt's also how u feel when u recover. i sat up, n settled my feet on e ground, before pushing myself up.

sorry, no miracle, not today. when e foot trembled, i know nothing much has changed.