[X day] i dreamt... i had involuntarily fell off a MRT station platform n onto the track... in a flash n unexpectedly a train was juz seconds away from me... i froze juz for a moment, before reactin by turnin into a tight corridor... the train rushed past me... i waited as it pulled away, then i climbed out from the sorry state...
[X day + a few days] news... a man had in his depression pushed his ex-girlfriend onto the MRT track, juz before a train arrived... she reacted fast enough to hop onto a tight corridor as the train rushed past her... she was safe, n climbed out afterwards... he was charged w attempted murder...
how eerie...
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
time
i completed my ACCT, n is ready for ORD! it was fun lah... ICCT fightin's siong bcoz of the gruellin use of the upper body... in ACCT we can kick as well... n of course, the syllabus is more straightforward n logical, w nicer instructors... oh shit i haven clear SOC n combat shoot...
oh yes... the 8SAB soccer team were then thrashed 5-1 by a super strong 40SAR n lost 3-1 to last year's champs 2SIR... in the 40SAR game i personally felt the inclusion of LTA Clarence broke our defence shape lah, n a lack of communication saw us stormed by em... he's a good player, but plays like tiz is some leisure tournament n on his own... their holding midfielder Johnny is 1 of the best ive seen in my playin years... on the level of Tat Hwang(NYJC's captain) n Jackson(Home Utd youth), if u know who these are... n Zeyuan the NYJC's star basketballer is 40SAR's striker, n scored 2 against us... how unimaginable... n 2SIR, a team full of malays n indians, n which funnily lost to 3SIB, proved better than us... a match which duno why i got so inspired, teammates were shakin my hand n praisin my performance afterwards... maybe coz for 1, jasper dropped out due to injury, n 2, as usual, i was so angry w the central midfield, my preferred position, tt i drifted around in double-role...
hmm... started clearin off/leave liao... definitely the 1st i know, tgt w Fuda Benjy n Yanbin... my peers are all still finishin their work or fightin ATEC... tiz is kinda fast n soon... my 1-yr 10-mth service is endin soon, when i still can vividly remember boardin my 1st Penguin ferry, my pledge to the nation, gettin fucked by sergeant Samuel, the smell of Tekong n Dettol body foam, n gettin the Tekong cough...
haha... 一笑而过...
oh yes... the 8SAB soccer team were then thrashed 5-1 by a super strong 40SAR n lost 3-1 to last year's champs 2SIR... in the 40SAR game i personally felt the inclusion of LTA Clarence broke our defence shape lah, n a lack of communication saw us stormed by em... he's a good player, but plays like tiz is some leisure tournament n on his own... their holding midfielder Johnny is 1 of the best ive seen in my playin years... on the level of Tat Hwang(NYJC's captain) n Jackson(Home Utd youth), if u know who these are... n Zeyuan the NYJC's star basketballer is 40SAR's striker, n scored 2 against us... how unimaginable... n 2SIR, a team full of malays n indians, n which funnily lost to 3SIB, proved better than us... a match which duno why i got so inspired, teammates were shakin my hand n praisin my performance afterwards... maybe coz for 1, jasper dropped out due to injury, n 2, as usual, i was so angry w the central midfield, my preferred position, tt i drifted around in double-role...
hmm... started clearin off/leave liao... definitely the 1st i know, tgt w Fuda Benjy n Yanbin... my peers are all still finishin their work or fightin ATEC... tiz is kinda fast n soon... my 1-yr 10-mth service is endin soon, when i still can vividly remember boardin my 1st Penguin ferry, my pledge to the nation, gettin fucked by sergeant Samuel, the smell of Tekong n Dettol body foam, n gettin the Tekong cough...
haha... 一笑而过...
a sad thot
i woke up a sad man today... coz i thot abt my men, the men i have in my unit... i oredi hate it, but it juz came to my mind in the early mornin...
it's such a depressin thot i don't even wanna talk abt it... but it cant seem to get outta my head if i don't release it... maybe here can help...
i have men who are so dramatic... the wayang sense... everyday u see a wayang show... they drift around all day in fancy fervour, exposin others' deeds to u, seekin justice for their perpetual hard work, but never around to help... he polish ur boots, for 1 same thing - to become the apple of ur eye...
i have men equally dramatic... the literary sense... they seem nice enough... the heroes of a story; the good ppl... but time showed me they're bastards... they became villains... it's all an act... how faces can change so suddenly... empty vessels make the most noise... to avoid more work than others, he is willin to sacrifice his buddies...
i have men who make me question myself if it's worth it to be a Specialist... they came in, u saw em as ur responsibility, take em under ur wing, coz u see hope in em... all u do for em, u do for their good... then 1 day, he turns around n stabs u... biting the hand tt feeds u... n u can never find in his eyes again tt gratitude tt's supposed to be there...
i have men who take ur respect, chew it up, n spit it in the bin... u give em the respect, they never reciprocate... in their eyes ur juz the cold n unfeelin sergeant... hell, shouldn't it be the other way?! tiz is army for god's sake... it's regimental for men to respect commanders, n whether it goes the other way is of insignificance...
dramatic? please don't think tiz is fictitious or over-the-top... tiz is how real life can get... honestly... fiction mirrors reality... if not where do the ideas come from... exaggeration? sometimes, but i can say my experiences prove tt the difference aint alot... i think i can truly agree w the Bard tt "all the world's a stage"...
it's such a depressin thot i don't even wanna talk abt it... but it cant seem to get outta my head if i don't release it... maybe here can help...
i have men who are so dramatic... the wayang sense... everyday u see a wayang show... they drift around all day in fancy fervour, exposin others' deeds to u, seekin justice for their perpetual hard work, but never around to help... he polish ur boots, for 1 same thing - to become the apple of ur eye...
i have men equally dramatic... the literary sense... they seem nice enough... the heroes of a story; the good ppl... but time showed me they're bastards... they became villains... it's all an act... how faces can change so suddenly... empty vessels make the most noise... to avoid more work than others, he is willin to sacrifice his buddies...
i have men who make me question myself if it's worth it to be a Specialist... they came in, u saw em as ur responsibility, take em under ur wing, coz u see hope in em... all u do for em, u do for their good... then 1 day, he turns around n stabs u... biting the hand tt feeds u... n u can never find in his eyes again tt gratitude tt's supposed to be there...
i have men who take ur respect, chew it up, n spit it in the bin... u give em the respect, they never reciprocate... in their eyes ur juz the cold n unfeelin sergeant... hell, shouldn't it be the other way?! tiz is army for god's sake... it's regimental for men to respect commanders, n whether it goes the other way is of insignificance...
dramatic? please don't think tiz is fictitious or over-the-top... tiz is how real life can get... honestly... fiction mirrors reality... if not where do the ideas come from... exaggeration? sometimes, but i can say my experiences prove tt the difference aint alot... i think i can truly agree w the Bard tt "all the world's a stage"...
Sunday, September 10, 2006
how's it like tt?
i saw zy's blog n i think shes rite... made me feel better... about love... but it's so diplomatic n universal... like coz, we've so many other factors n issues involved... i thank her for those words, but...
i dont wanna feel this way... but i cant help it... u pushed it this far...
u know how much it hurts to know u, yes u, of all ppl, actually ignored something ive mentioned before? im not assumin, i know u knew... i really duno if u can imagine it... it strikes me as u dont care... or u wanna try me... but even for tt, ive forgiven u... coz it's true, i just love u much enough to make me hate fights between us... the feelin sucks honestly...
but u blew it as once again, u showed me tt side of u... how tough it is on u... u see, i understand the things u go thru... like u said, how u put up w me the whole day, how i was mum on the issue n was unfair to u... i admit to all those... but all u transmit across is how tough it is on u to be w me... it's always like, "something's wrong here, u find something's wrong there too","im moody, so ur moody," n "im angry, so ur equally angry"... i duno if im too sensitive or wat... the time spent thinkin has led me to ask, is it a pride thing? are u too proud?
i'll tell u wat i wan... i didnt expect tiz to turn so bad... coz it's straightforward... all i wanted was a lousy, but sincere apology, without any of the usual "other" issues tt u tend to bring up... it would be like any other apology we would make everyday... but u had to say something didnt u? u actually asked me to think thru? i think it's laughable really... when u were the 1 who hurt me isnt it?
the side of u which i cant change... am i wrong to try changin u? some may think so... tt im restrictive, i cant compromise... but am i wrong to change something i cant grow to like or accommodate, something which may destroy us?
it makes me question alot of things... like i sometimes, actually dont really know u at all... or i cant truly know u... wat zy posted makes so much sense, but tt's a perfect scenario... so many other things actually play a part... i wanna let my heart rule, but my head's holdin back...
n now after i blogged all this, im still apprehensive about how u'll hit me back... i'll be so disappointed if u answer me w ur defense again, but i can figure tt's how u'll react... im more than afraid to know ur reply...
i dont wanna feel this way... but i cant help it... u pushed it this far...
u know how much it hurts to know u, yes u, of all ppl, actually ignored something ive mentioned before? im not assumin, i know u knew... i really duno if u can imagine it... it strikes me as u dont care... or u wanna try me... but even for tt, ive forgiven u... coz it's true, i just love u much enough to make me hate fights between us... the feelin sucks honestly...
but u blew it as once again, u showed me tt side of u... how tough it is on u... u see, i understand the things u go thru... like u said, how u put up w me the whole day, how i was mum on the issue n was unfair to u... i admit to all those... but all u transmit across is how tough it is on u to be w me... it's always like, "something's wrong here, u find something's wrong there too","im moody, so ur moody," n "im angry, so ur equally angry"... i duno if im too sensitive or wat... the time spent thinkin has led me to ask, is it a pride thing? are u too proud?
i'll tell u wat i wan... i didnt expect tiz to turn so bad... coz it's straightforward... all i wanted was a lousy, but sincere apology, without any of the usual "other" issues tt u tend to bring up... it would be like any other apology we would make everyday... but u had to say something didnt u? u actually asked me to think thru? i think it's laughable really... when u were the 1 who hurt me isnt it?
the side of u which i cant change... am i wrong to try changin u? some may think so... tt im restrictive, i cant compromise... but am i wrong to change something i cant grow to like or accommodate, something which may destroy us?
it makes me question alot of things... like i sometimes, actually dont really know u at all... or i cant truly know u... wat zy posted makes so much sense, but tt's a perfect scenario... so many other things actually play a part... i wanna let my heart rule, but my head's holdin back...
n now after i blogged all this, im still apprehensive about how u'll hit me back... i'll be so disappointed if u answer me w ur defense again, but i can figure tt's how u'll react... im more than afraid to know ur reply...
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