everything is crumbling

first.

for e first time in nearly 6 years, im burnt out for liondance. lost my passion. sick of it. maybe only time will bring it back.

with e pathetic last semester, my GPA has already fell quite abit. and this semester my life's worsened by a host of tough mods. how.

then.

another phone call from eileen, another rally call by mdm tan. she cries "crisis" again, and i thought "what again". but i guess it's never been as serious as this. this time, we're not asked to show face; we actually have to perform. in school, for the school, traditionally a job of e current students. that's e deal offered by e principal. if we cant put up this performance, he'd close us down. a troupe of 30-year history. fighting to keep alive a thing that means so much, taught me so much, made me e person i am, and gave me so many wonderful friends.

then.

her. it's ok if im no longer a part of ur life. it's ok if u don't wanna acknowledge me anymore no matter how hard i try to keep u as a friend. u want me to move on, but i try to keep e place u have in my heart. but him? what's up with all that? he's a friend and all, i understand that. but aren't u pushing it a tad too far now? ur becoming so close with him, not just a closeness between friends, but closeness i think ott. i feel cheated and lied to. what's with e "im still attached but even if no im not looking for anything this moment" and where did that go? im not just heartbroken, im angry. angered by e behaviour of u two. i feel...replaced. not that u meant it, since we were over before he appeard. but that's how i feel. he seemed to have entered conveniently after im gone, not voluntarily, but displaced.

then Ah Ma passed away.

and it's Chinese New Year, my god. doesn't help that my Ah Gong was born during Chinese New Year and we'd celebrate his birthday together in e past. now Chinese New Year is gonna remind me of both my beloved grandparents.

why like this.