Doctrines and Shit

Taoism: Shit happens.

Confucianism: Confucius says, "Shit happens."

Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.

Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.

Hinduism: This shit has happened before.

Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.

Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.

Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.

Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.

Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.

Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.

Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)

Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?

Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!

Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.

Jehovah's Witnesses: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
Creationism: God made all shit.

Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.

Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.

Utopianism: This shit does not stink.

Darwinism: This shit was once food.

Capitalism: That's MY shit.

Communism: It's everybody's shit.

Feminism: Men are shit.

Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...

Commercialism: Let's package this shit.

Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.

Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.

Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?

Stoicism: This shit is good for me.

Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!

Mormonism: God sent us this shit.

Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.

Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.

Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.

Agnostic #2: What is this shit?

Atheism: What shit?

Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.

Nihilism: No shit.