疯神无双 疯秘笈

庐山真面目

典故出自苏东坡的題西林壁詩:

不识庐山真面目

只缘身在此山中

所以当时如果苏东坡人在黃山
那很可能就会变成:
不识黃山真面目

如果他在泰山
很有可能就会变成泰山真面目

那如果他人在富士山
那么苏东坡很有可能是
日本人

"虽然我们错过了 但我真心希望你也能找到你的幸福.

谢谢你喜欢我.

wait for my wedding invite!"

like a boss #applause

A man went to a shop to buy parrots. He asked about the first one, and the owner said it costs $50 and speaks Italian. He asked about the second, which costs $500, and why.

The owner replied, "Well this one speaks Italian, Cantonese, Russian and Navajo!"

The man then asked about a third. "Oh this costs $5,000!" exclaimed the owner.

"Why? What does it speak?" asked the stunned man.

"Actually I don't know, but the other parrots call it the chairman."

那些年 那个女孩

where do i start. 那些年 was neither the best shot nor written (as a film), but it was surely my most cathartic film in a while.

audiences and critics across the region had raved about how the content's so close to heart - a story of our younger days, and that girl who meant everything.

i was a little fearful, i admit, given the past ive had. indeed, i cant put it in any other way but concede that the content's closest to my heart.

they were right. it's like watching a film about your own life.

-spoiler alert-

expect no happy ending. some call it bittersweet, but im not too sure. after all, 那些年 is giddens' biographical work, and it stayed true to how reality pans out, not just in his story, but most of ours as well.

maybe that's what makes it work. no Hollywood fairytale here. just the hard-hitting fact that the one might not be the one, and circumstances are often out of our control.

not sure who wrote the screenplay, but i guess 那些年 works better as the novel it originally is, for now. the film doesn exactly follow the arc of a typical film, especially its chronological telling and the lack of a tense climax.

but yes, it's been said many times, this is life. giddens tells his story as it is, from high school to college and beyond. it's in fact just a sequence of incidents through the characters' lives, monkeying in class or dreaming about the future.

the initial setup already captured me. boy and girl sit side by side in class, things happen and sparks fly. of course it gives me goosebumps to talk about it now, but i look back fondly, because it did happen to me.

(plus the trailer and all also seemed to hint at lost love, which drew me more)

but like all good films and stories, there is much more than an "initial setup". eventually 那些年 struck many more chords.

the story of 柯景腾 and 沈佳宜 is, well, bittersweet. they liked each other, but due to mishaps along the way, although they shared beautiful moments, they never materialised as a couple.

for example, he never properly declared his love for her, despite his pursuit. she never reciprocated the right signals. and they never got over their many points of friction.

in other words, it's a case of raw, unpolished love.

the sky lantern scene devastated me. he refused her answer, afraid a rejection would end his desire to continue liking her forever. it was immature and fatal. she, for her part, decided to hold back her true feelings. mistakes on both sides started the ominous path to their eventual split.

the right thing to do would be to take a leap of faith, but in real life we seldom do right.

the sky lantern, an authentic Taiwanese icon for wish-making, told it best. on 柯景腾's side was his confession, on 沈佳宜's side was her "yes" answer. none saw each other's wish.

but furthering this, their story is also about a lifelong affection and care for each other. they continued a bond years down the road, because, well, truth is, you dont fall out of love with someone. she remained that very important girl to him, and in his words, she'll always represent his 青春, always be 那个他追的女孩. and in a positive take, 他说她一定要幸福, 因为她是他很重要的一段回忆, 而他打算保留好这段回忆.

anyway. regarding the opening scene, i admit i was semi-fooled they were getting married, but i also flirted with the possibility he was marrying someone else, not 沈佳宜.

oh well.

and call me a bitch but i got excited at giddens' homage to jay chou. first was the public announcement in school, using 三年二班's opening. then years later, 双节棍, which was released in 2001 and according to the film's timeline is a contemporary, was used as soundtrack.

the standout performer, without a doubt, is 陈妍希. i was hands-down enthralled by her cry scene upon receiving her pre-college grades. she fully deserves her 金马奖 nomination for this performance.

so there you go. gonna end off with my favourite dialogue in the film, which also in those few words rise above what we may assume and magnify the tender calm of the story.

柯景腾: 你相信有平行时空吗? 也许在另一个平行时空里 我们是在一起的.

沈佳宜: 真羡慕他们呢 谢谢你喜欢我.

my last word: i think in looking backward, 那些年 is an attempt to help us look forward. you learn the lessons of life, and love better. you right your regrets. not least as a tribute to 那个女孩, who helped shape who you are today.

疯神无双 疯秘笈

小明

小明是个笑话或谜语中
最红的虚拟人物

通常他会有一个好朋友叫小华
有个女友叫小美
有个哥哥叫大明
有个舅舅叫志明
志明的老婆是春娇
春娇有个情夫叫老王
老王养的蟑螂叫小強
老王养的小狗叫小黑
而小明的全名听说是王小明
不排除小明其实是老王的儿子

所以不论小明是谁
反正小明就是沒有脚
因为小明在一次的车祸当中
失去了他的双腿
小明太可怜了

Frazier wins top billing at last

source: Reuters

Joe Frazier had to wait until death to win rightful appreciation after a boxing career spent in the shadow of the magnificent Muhammad Ali, boxing historian Bert Sugar said.

“He never got his due,” Sugar told on Tuesday when asked about the former world heavyweight champion, who fought three epic bouts with Ali in the 1970s.

“This is the day for Joe Frazier, who has always been the second slot to Muhammad Ali, even when he won. Today is the day when he stands up as his own and he’s Joe Frazier, period, paragraph, and he can stand up to anybody on his own.”

Boxing promoter Bob Arum said the three bouts between the fighters stood as a hallmark in sport.

“He gave the world what had to be one of the most thrilling trilogies in any sport. There was nothing like it in this country and in the world for the attention those fights received.”

Ali returned after a three-year exile imposed after he refused induction for the Vietnam War due to his Muslim beliefs to face Frazier and the build-up was intense.

“I think the first, certainly was the biggest event I ever covered. It seemed like the world stopped in anticipation of it,” HBO fight commentator Larry Merchant said.

“It was building up for several years, two heavyweight champions. Ali in exile.

“And then to have the fight and the drama exceed the highest expectations, was a once-in-a-half-century, thrilling event.”

Merchant did not think Frazier was slighted by his association with Ali, but rather enhanced.

“Regardless of the fact that Ali was such a towering figure in his time, a worldwide figure, he brought out the best in Joe Frazier,” said Merchant.

“Indeed Frazier was admired and respected widely and had the heavyweight stage to himself during Ali’s exile… in boxing, nobody didn’t love Joe Frazier and what he represented in his honesty, dedication and toughness as a champion.

“It was one extraordinary man against an ordinary Joe in terms of personalities and how they reached out to the world.”

Better Fighter

Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist Dave Anderson of the New York Times wrote that he considered Frazier a better fighter.

“I’ve always believed that, each at his best, Joe Frazier… was the better fighter,” Anderson wrote in his column.

Ali won their Madison Square Garden rematch by decision, setting up the Thrilla in Manila rubber bout in 1975. Ali won that rough bout, but Anderson said Frazier inflicted more punishment.

“The Thrilla in Manila in 1975 was awarded to Ali when Frazier’s trainer, Eddie Futch, wouldn’t let him answer the bell for the 15th round because he couldn’t see the right hands coming out of his closed left eye,” recalled Anderson.

“But Frazier soon talked freely in the interview area. When an exhausted Ali finally arrived, he described their epic in brutality as ‘next to death.’

“That evening, at a party in an old Filipino palace, Ali, his ribs battered, walked stiffly and sat stiffly, painfully offering a finger or two instead of shaking hands. At his hotel, Frazier sang and danced. Seeing them both, if you didn’t know what had happened in the fight you had to think Frazier was the winner.”

Said Sugar: “Had he stood up off his stool and gone to the centre of the ring, Ali would have collapsed. Ali has no legs, they have to almost drag him to the corner after the last round. He would have lost. That’s one of the ironies.”

Some diminish Frazier in historical terms because his career ebbed after his three epic fights against Ali.

“It is no surprise that after that night of greatness, he was never the same,” Wally Matthews wrote for espn.com about Frazier’s ferocious victory in their first fight.

“But to knock Frazier for being unable to match the greatest athletic performance ever seen at the Garden is like criticising Michelangelo for being unable to sculpt another David.”

"Never explain -- your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway."

疯神无双 疯秘笈

大肠镜

是一种检测人体大肠健康狀況的仪器
但是要注意是大肠镜
不是大长今

大长今是韩国历史上
第一位女医生

根据韩国人表示
韩国的医术是世界第一

针灸也是韩国发明的

手術也是韩国发明的

世界第一位女医生
也是出自韩国

搞不好大肠镜跟大肠面线
都是大长今发明的

韩国人真是太了不起了

我们給韩国掌声鼓励...

Singaporean Men Cannot Make It One Lah

by Tan Sze Yao

Singaporean girls like to use the phrase "cannot make it" to describe Singaporean men. They wrinkle their noses and act all surprised when you suggest, ever so gently, that perhaps Singaporean Male X might be a suitable mate. "Huh?? Cannot make it lah, he." A few years later they marry Singaporean Male Y, who looks and sounds exactly the same as Singaporean Male X.

Why are Singaporean men all so ostensibly "cannot make it"? I do not know the answer to this question, for I am reasonable. However, I do have suggestions for the men. To become a "can make it" Singaporean male (without having to resort to plastic surgery), one must achieve a certain level of competence at the activities I shall be listing out below. Ours is a small, closed society; the traits that mark one out for worthwhile reproduction are easily and quickly discernible, if one pays proper attention.

1. Must be good at computers and computer games

Strangely, being good at computer games appears to be more impressive to the average Singaporean female. If you are good at computers only, you are taken advantage of for most part. If you are good at computer games, however, you are a badass potential protector.

Compare

You: OK, upgraded to Windows 7 already.

Girl: Thanks so much! (thinks: the software did everything.)

You: You're welcome.

Girl: Can help me install antivirus?

with

You: ALL RIGHT 25 KILLSTREAK!

Girl: Huh?

You: Nothing. I just kicked your boyfriend's ass.

Girl: Orh. (stands over shoulder and watches very fast paced game and thinks: aiyah why my boyfriend so lousy.) Can help me install Windows?

You: Sorry not interested, I am aiming for 35 killstreak

Girl: (subconsciously registers lack of punctuation as sexy) Oh. Kill kill kill... so manly.

As a general rule, the hierarchy is such: first-person shooter, versus fighter, real-time strategy, turn-based strategy and then everything else. MMORPGs occupy a value system of their own, but in general their gentle learning curve reduce street cred. Angry Birds and Bejewelled FTW for now though.

2. Must be good at pool

There is nothing else to do in Singapore. Get good at it, you will be spending a lot of time in these places. Don't just chalk your stick - chalk some victories while you're at it. Ah-lians will be watching.

Must-learns: jump-shot, English, doubles.

3. Must be good at one team sport

So that you will look good next to the other doddering dodos. Football obviously occupies top spot, but basketball and water polo work too. Volleyball is for girls.

Girls find it easier to come down to support team sports, because they can rationalize their conduct diffusely: "I'm here for the TEAM." Let them have this. You know what they're thinking when you're... scoring.

4. Must be good at one individual sport

While girls find it harder to support these because you are alone and therefore very bo sei for them to come all the way down, the simple fact that you are involved in some sport somewhere is already very "can make it". Walk around with your lacrosse bag slung over your shoulder or your tennis shoes carelessly dangling from your backpack. When they ask about your sport, just make vague references and knowingly use terms of art.

Girl: Where are you going?

You: Oh, practice.

Girl: What practice?

You: Kallang... today we're doing slice serves.

Girl: *tingle down spine* Ohhh.

Few other people will be able to challenge your authority, since these are individual, recherche pursuits. Exploit the opportunity.

To avoid: ping-pong, badminton (everyone thinks they can play these)

5. Must be musical

GUITAR for individual, DRUMS in a band. Girls are quite dumb one and they like to see action jackson. You bang bang the drum, they happy. You stand around and pluck a few strings, nobody knows what you're doing. Of course, if you are going to do the serenading thing, it will be guitar without question.

Tip: When serenading, pretend to be practising (when you actually practice sui sui at home already). Always choose a current song, so people will bite. If you play More Than Words for the 238645823648243234th time, people confirm lose interest one. And don't look at anybody when singing, otherwise they will feel that you are "invading" them. Don't "invade" anybody. Just let them listen to your ostensibly unassuming music. Confirm plus guarantee plus chop will have results.

6. Must be able to do math

A guy who cannot do maths is like a eunuch. He is not a man. In Singapore especially, even our girls are damn good at maths. So you better be super damn good, so you can explain to her how to divide her parts.

One better: PHYSICS. For some reason, applied stuff is harder for girls. So take physics and ace it. Then later on, toss in puns about how you two have such great chemistry, you want to explore the geography of her biography in a physical way. "Your body is a wonderland," you will coo. "Do you want to read my literature or should we just start making history?" Just don't show her your mother tongue.

7. Must have good sense of direction

A guy who has no sense of direction is a girl. The end.

8. Must drive and must be good driver

DRIVE. And for fuck's sake, practise that parallel parking thing. Girls always tell themselves that they are not lousier drivers, just more careful/cautious/whatever. But despite that ALL OF THEM STILL CANNOT FREAKING PARALLEL PARK. Become tok gong at this, heighten the gender difference, enhance the sexual tension. Ooh yeah baby.

By the way, European marques please. The Singaporean lady does not want to be seen rolling in a Hyundai.

9. Must be laconic and listen to her drivel

Ya. It helps. Srsly.

Singaporean girls think they are really interesting, and maybe they are. Who knows? We aren't really listening. But you don't really have to - just nod every 10 seconds. And then say, "Really ah." I just did this today. It is fricking awesome. You can abidicate responsbility for having a brain.

The bottom line is that by keeping silent, you allow her to project her preferred self-image onto you. She is interesting, so therefore you must be interesting, since you are absorbing her everything. How cool is that? I love lady logic.

10. Must know DIY

"I hammered her and her friend last night, we had a good screw. Talk about nailing two in one night! Of course I bolted the next day, but I will always be ready when their pipes need further unclogging."

Euphemisms aside, you must know DIY because other penises will try to undermine you with their own DIY knowledge. Especially contractors who overcharge. If you are fleeced in any DIY-related matter, you are not a man.

This is also perhaps the origin of the phrase "cannot make it" - a man who "can make it" can make... things. With hands and tools. He probably also knows how to instruct the girl on how to rectify a swollen ball-cock.

11. Must speak dialect

My biggest regret, I cannot speak dialect. In lup sup KTVs and Warrant Officer messes, I am the lowest of the low. With contractors, I am a freaking pony with "Kan Me" on my forehead. Why is dialect so important for the Singaporean male? Primarily, it establishes street cred. Denizens from below must look up to you before any female will find you worth apprising. Importantly, also, dialect is crass; crassness establishes contrast, and in contrast we find admiration.

12. Must not be below PES B

Or at least finish normal BMT like everyone else. Nobody really knows whether OCS or SISPEC is tougher, so you can elide that easily.

If you had a buay gan army life, try not to talk about it at all. Girls know one. They all have "a friend" who was a commando-officer-parakeet. They will compare you like they compare their Prada bag with the other girl's Miu Miu. Don't become an object!

If you were a star in the army, also don't talk too much about it. Girls just want to know that you were good, and that you were not a jellyfish. The rest is still for you to prove - funny, rich, smart etc. Prove it.

13. Must have "ambition" and "passion"

Most Singaporean girls have a vague notion that their man should be "successful" or aim for success of some sort. For themselves, they have less concrete ambitions. Use this to your advantage. However, only hint (not talk) about your plans. For instance:

Girl: So, what's next for you?

You: I've had several offers... well, we'll just see where it goes. I have a pretty clear idea of what I want though.

Girl: What's that?

You: Haha, it will bore you. Let's not talk about me. Do you like baby blue or pink?

Once they know you have "plans", they will stick with you, regardless of what those "plans" are. Make sure you always have "an idea" of what you are going to do. When in doubt, obfuscate and pass off a successful person's life as your own.

14. Must say nearly every other girl is "cannot make it"

This is by far the MOST IMPORTANT ITEM on the list. Singaporean girls like a guy who has "standards". Secretly, the standard for every girl is HERSELF. This is not a cardinal scale, there is no relativity. Instead, on this mystery scale there is THE GIRL IN QUESTION, and then EVERY OTHER FEMALE ON EARTH. She will make cursory concessions for Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox (the latter usually grudgingly), of course, but DO NOT BE FOOLED. She just wants you to think that SHE is the prettiest and THAT IS IT!!!

If, however, you are unable to lie barefacedly, you might want to go with a less extreme approach. You must say that girls SHE LIKES AS PEOPLE are pretty. NEVER SAY THAT PRETTY GIRLS ARE PRETTY! Girls are unable to divorce looks from personality. It would be unwise to do so, therefore, in their presence. A good sample discussion would run as follows:

Girl: Do you think Girl X (ugly but liked) is pretty?

You: Yes, she has a certain je ne sais quoi that I find charming.

Girl: (pleased) Really ah? I think so too! Not like that Girl Y (pretty but disliked).

You: Oh, Girl Y. Cannot make it lah. Act cute buay cute.

Girl: (ready to give you blowjob liao) I ALSO SAY!

Have you ever noticed that girls thought pretty by other girls are really not pretty at all? And hot, sexy girls are almost always labelled "sluts", as if that were a bad thing? Important hint: Do not address the girl on these points. She does not want to confront her inner evolutionary demons.

Well, that's the list. A tall order? Yes, but a worthwhile endeavour, if we are not to lose all our women to the cast of The Last Airbender. We can make it one.

"I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised God doesn't work that way. So I stole one and prayed for forgiveness."

疯神无双 疯秘笈

比大小

是一种最简单分出胜负的
扑克牌玩法

但除了扑克牌以外
还有其它东西可以比

例如男生就可以比肌...

肉的大小

女生就可以比兄...

弟姐妹有几个

可以说是

最快分出胜负的一种比法

FHM 100 Sexiest Women Party 2011

i covered this event courtesy of xinmsn, and talked to Kim Lee, George Young, Stephanie Carrington, Sarah Tan, Rebecca Tan, Adele Wong and Lynn Tan.

Kim Lee is the best person to have a hangover with!

FHM's 100 Sexiest Women in the World 2011!

forgive the hyperlinks, i dont know where the embed functions went.

疯神无双 疯秘笈

姜

姜是一种辛香料

早採的薑是嫩姜

晚採的姜是老姜

如果姜切成了丝

就成了姜丝

如果把姜分的很平均
就成了姜均

如果把姜切成四块
那就成了 姜 姜 姜 姜

Praised by the Wise

"Satipathana is in line with our Western scientific attitude of mind in that it is unprejudiced, objective and analytical. It relies on personal, direct experience, and not on anyone else's ideas or opinions. It therefore explores all premature judgments, all arguments, discussions and such waste of time as we in the West are inclined to be fond of. In fact, it gets you out of the rut and bondage of yourself, your prejudices, your cliches, your blindness and your self-opinionatedness, to set you free to see and prove a real world."

Dr E Graham Howe, British physician

The Da Vinci Shroud

since the Middle Ages, millions of Catholics have venerated the Shroud of Turin, believed to be the burial cloth that accompanied Jesus Christ after his crucifixion. its fame and holy stature come from it being a rare, physical memento of his human form, and it is the single most controversial piece of artefact in the history of man.

 

In 1898 a photographer discovered a more visible face of Jesus in the negative of his photos taken of the Shroud, throwing the holy cloth into further fame.

the Vatican has chosen to not comment on the Shroud's authenticity, but considers it an item of the Church and allows followers to idolise it.

after questions arose about it in the 20th century, the Vatican granted permission for a small piece of the cloth to be cut for carbon-dating. results from three independent, authoritative labs announced in 1988 ascertained it belonged to 1260-1390. from then the Shroud has been declared a fake, although there are still many believers.

some questions that were raised about it included that if it was Jesus' burial cloth wrapped around him, geometrically the impressions left on it should be warped, and not a nice-looking portrait. recent discoveries also compared the intricately-weaved cloth to other textiles found from the same period of time that are much simpler. this strengthened the argument that it was created much later than Jesus' death. scientists have also reproduced the Shroud with more than one feasible technique, including painting, photography and Maillard reaction.

but it was a masterpiece, nonetheless. the Shroud has fooled the whole world for generations, and i suspect will intrigue us for many more. forensic experts have verified how detailed and accurate the physical trauma shows on the man in the cloth, including around the eyes, the multiple wounds on the back, and of course the famous nail in the hand. scientists also claim only the work of a genius can fool them for so long. until 1978, an American study still called the production of the Shroud "a mystery".

who in medieval times was capable of pulling off a scam so perfect it has set scientists on a wild goose chase up till today?

Leonardo Da Vinci (1452-1519) is widely regarded as the most superior polymath in mankind's history. he was a puzzle of both an artist and a scientist, an architect, musician, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, geologist, botanist and writer.

but he was also remembered for being a heretic, for distancing himself from the Church's doctrines, which the Renaissance Man felt was antiquated and restrictive. at the same time, Da Vinci was considered centuries ahead of his own time, a modern man who shaped much of modern discourse. combining the two, it is no wonder many conspiracy theorists believe the genius, sometimes considered a master forger, created the Shroud of Turin and has fooled the world for hundreds of years.

these theorists say Da Vinci's quest was to mock religion. by creating an idol that would be fervently and unquestionably worshipped by millions, he would have achieved debunking and exposing religion as mass superstition.

Lynn Picknett, a Shroud researcher, said: "The faker of the shroud had to be a heretic, someone with no fear of faking Jesus’ holy redemptive blood. He had to have a grasp of anatomy and he had to have at his fingertips a technology which would completely fool everyone until the 20th century."

if he's still alive, he would be most proud of his achievements. the Shroud has a lasting legacy. before it, images of Jesus came in all forms - clean shaven, short haired. but the Shroud provided the most definitive face of Christ, and left its mark as the prototype to follow.

 

don't the timelines not match? although Da Vinci lived approximately a century later, some believe in his great fraud he would have ensured he acquired a considerably old cloth.

as the Shroud is seemingly a negative, one recent theory by Professor Nicholas Allen is that it was created through photography. far-fetched, you say? not really, considering the camera obscura, the modern-day camera's ancestor, was available in Da Vinci's time. further strengthening the theory is the Florentian's well-known obsession with optics.

so we're there. the forger had to have a grasp of physics, art and human anatomy. not forgetting a rigorous contempt of religion. Da Vinci was the perfect man.

if not Jesus, who is the face then? recent analysis by scholars have gone even further. we now all know Da Vinci made the world wonder (stupidly) at the immense beauty of Mona Lisa, when it is in fact his self-portrait. in his effort to make a joke out of Christianity, Da Vinci used his face again for the Shroud, as found by Dr Lillian Schwartz, the woman who made the Mona Lisa discovery. computer analysis showed that the face is an exact replica of his own features.

with that, he became God.

UPDATE
in recent years, more evidence leaning towards the argument that the Shroud is genuine has been found. one is that the 1988 test was flawed, since the corner that was cut could have been contaminated as the Shroud has gone through so much over the years. another is the discovery of Jesus' nearly-invisible death certificate on the cloth, a contemporary Jewish practice.