how many does it take to change a light bulb?

haha this is damn old school but reading it every time never fails to make me laugh. the light bulb joke, our JC version.

Q: How many RJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four whole faculties. One to design the new bulb, one to manufacture and test it out, one to write a proposal on it and one to market it.
Q: How many HCJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The whole school. To compete with RJC.
Q: How many VJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The whole school. One student to screw it in and the rest to cheer, wave flags and banners to give him/her support.
Q: How many NJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They can study without light
Q: How many AJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They’re too busy trying to be one of the top 5JCs.
Q: How many ACJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They’ll rather use all their money to employ YJC students to do it for them.
Q: How many YJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Only one teacher to tell them what a light bulb is in the first place and to demonstrate how to change the light bulb. (So how do you think they’re able to change it for ACJC?)
Q: How many CJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They’ll prefer it to be darker. (hmm...)
Q: How many JJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Their physics is so bad that they made their macho teacher cry.
;Q: How many TPJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Would they even bother?
Q: How many SAJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They believe in praying for it.
Q: How many NYJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They are still using oil lamps.
Q: How many SRJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Huh, what litebarb.
Q: How many PJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Heck the light bulb lah, the principal would do something about the rightbarbs. Let’s do 300 jumping jacks for not wearing the proper school attire.
Q: How many MJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They are too busy trying to get promoted.
Q: How many IJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They are Innovians. They’ll find ways out of the dark
Q: How many TJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They think they are already very bright

and the sequel for undergrad studies~

NUS FASS Department of Social Work
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but first the light bulb must be willing to change.

Praised by the Wise

"There may be a great significance in the fact that Pythagoras in Greece and the Buddha in the Orient occur at the same time in the 6th Century BC. Both are powerfully, perceptively thinking and acting human individuals who, coming out of a past in which only mystically ordained kings counted and humans were omniexpendable pawns, produced mathematical tools and philosophies forever thereafter to employ."

Buckminster Fuller, American architect, inventor, philosopher and social engineer. The carbon molecule fullerene is named after him.

the day you're not the same man anymore

23 Dec, 2:45pm

Patient: Hi, doctor. Good afternoon.

Doctor: Ah, I see you're better, from the medication.

Patient: Yes, it helped. So..?

Doctor: The test results show you have it.

Patient: Oh.. ok.

Doctor: Which is why you could not find explanations to what have been happening to you. And it's been recurring for quite some time right?

Patient: Yea.

Doctor: Your levels in your blood are significantly higher than a healthy person. You need to take care.

Patient: Can it be cured?

Doctor: I'm sorry, but it cannot be. It's partly a genetic disorder. You can only keep it in control.

Patient: But why have I been ok my whole life, then now this? Was there any trigger?

Doctor: You never know. Much is still not known about the disease. Some people have been found to have very high levels but never developed the disease.

Patient: Thanks, doc.

the unpredictability of life

an amusing scene i witnessed on the highway while driving.

a zhng-ed Mazda 3 comes up beside me, all try-too-hard cool and shit. then an RX-8 comes up behind it, cuts in, overtakes and zooms off.

a while later, a Mazda 3 GT hatchback comes up. WTS. awkward abounds. the three Mazdas line up side-by-side.

finally, a Fairlady revs past on the fastest Lane 1.

the three latter cars fly off, while e zhng-ed Mazda 3 lags behind.

Murphy's Law (of combat)

the adaptation to our beloved Singapore Armed Forces.

1. You are not a superman.
2. If it's stupid but works, it's not stupid.
3. Don't look conspicuous. It draws fire.
4. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
5. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
6. Remember: Your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
7. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
8. No plan survives the first contact intact.
9. All 5-second grenade fuses will burn out in 3.
10. Try to look unimportant. The enemy may be low on ammo.
11. If you are forward of your position the artillery will always fall short.
12. The important things are always hard.
13. The simple things are always simple.
14. The easy way is always hard.
15. If you are short of everything except enemy, you're in combat.
16. When you have secured an objective, don't forget to let the enemy know about it.
17. Incoming fire has the right of way.
18. If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU.
19. No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.
20. Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together.
21. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately.
22. Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing.
23. Tracers work both ways.
24. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
25. Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
26. When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are both right.
27. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
28. Murphy was in the army.

Praised by the Wise

"I think I am more a Buddhist than I would have believed... Christianity means signing up to a mass of protocols which don't make sense. Whereas with Buddhism, if you do your breathing exercises and yoga correctly, the states of mind you can achieve are all they promise. It is as honest as ice-cream."

Lawrence Durrell, India-born Anglo-Irish novelist, poet and dramatist

我是一只小肥猪
我每天吃不停
有一天我肚子爆炸
血肠撒满地

我手里拿着吸尘机把肠子吸回去
吸到一半肚子饿了
所以就放弃

i like motion pictures

ive long quoted great, lasting lines from films. recently i caught the TV-movie adaptation of Five People You Meet In Heaven, the bestseller by Mitch Albom. it would be a great disservice and dishonour to Albom if i quote from the film, since he wrote the novel. moreover, many of the film's lines probably come from the book. therefore i shall look at something else that has always captured me when i watch films - cinematography and direction.

dont get me wrong, im not featuring this film's cinematography because its lines are out-of-bounds to me. i wanted to feature this film purely for its cinematography. it is that good.

kudos to director llyod kramer and director of photography kramer morgenthau.

Praised by the Wise

"Buddhist or non-Buddhist, I have examined every one of the great religious systems, of the world, in none of them I have found anything to surpass, in beauty and comprehensiveness, the Noble Eightfold Path and the Four Truths of the Buddha."

Professor Thomas William Rhys Davids, British Oriental lexicographer and the first person to chair comparative religion in a British university.

Singapura

food for thought:

Transparency International's Corruption Perceptions Index - 4th of 180, 1st in Asia

Reporters Without Borders' Worldwide Press Freedom Index - 133rd of 175, sandwiched between the African nations of Chad and Madagascar, and below countries like Gabon, Bangladesh, Colombia, Angola and Cambodia.

5th wealthiest country in the world by GDP (PPP) per capita, according to IMF.

The Economist's Democracy Index - 82nd of 167, under categories of Full Democracy, Flawed Democracy etc, guided by electoral process and pluralism, civil liberties, functioning of government, political participation and political culture; Singapore considered Hybrid Regime (democracy in name, but flouting significant standards); 51 countries are listed as Authoritarian Regime

Foreign Policy's Globalization Index - 1st of 62 in 2006

Economist Intelligence Unit ranked us the 10th most expensive city to live in, and 3rd in Asia after Tokyo and Osaka.

WSJ's Index of Economic Freedom 2008 - 2nd of 155

by the way do you know Singapore is ranked 222nd of 224 in fertility rate? an interesting trivia. further eye-catching stats are that the other countries of the last four are Taiwan, Hong Kong and Macau.

Yong Vui Kong: remember this name

"According to Yong’s petition for clemency that was submitted to the President, the trial judge, Justice Choo Han Teck, had called both the defence and prosecution into chambers before the commencement of the trial and noted Yong’s relatively young age at the time of the offence.

Justice Choo then asked the Prosecution to consider reducing the capital charge to a non-capital one. The prosecution declined."

Source: TOC

it's times like this that pain me in the heart to call Singapore home. just like when i read about Iwuchukwu Tochi, i cried over this.

i'm not a Christian, everyone knows it. but in moments like this, which side you belong to no longer matters. we are one family of humans. a right to repent, a right to forgive, a right to live. and i'll end off with a prayer i found on someone's blog (i apologise for the non-credit):

Dear God,

I come to you with a heavy heart, burdened at the death sentence that was meted out to Yong, your son. Such a young man with so much potential, only to be dealt a short hand by his circumstances and the state. It pains me to hear that while he is sentenced to hang, the high-hitters and the drug lords are left to continue their evil activities.

My heart goes out to Yong and his family. I pray that they will find solace in this time of need, and Yong will find the courage to face his fate. May there be salvation in his heart, and peace in his soul. I ask that the governing authorities - the MPs and the Cabinet Ministers - open their eyes to the injustice happening right before them, and have the burden to act on this issue.

May there be lasting change in Singapore, and may love and compassion find its way into the hearts of its citizens.

Amen.

Praised by the Wise

"...the beginnings of cosmic religious feeling already appear in early stages of development eg. in many of the Psalms of David and in some of the Prophets. Buddhism contains much stronger elements of it. The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion. It should transcend a personal God and avoid dogmas and theology. Covering both the natural and the spiritual, it should be based on a religious sense arising from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual and a meaningful unity. Buddhism answers this description. If there is any religion that copes with modern scientific needs it would be Buddhism."

Albert Einstein, Nobel laureate for Physics and Time magazine's Person of the Century

Professional Internship, II

after i told him about my PI situation and that im getting desperate in Phase 2, this was what Thusitha de Silva, our Business Journalism teacher, replied me.

Thiam Peng,

Stay cool, young man. You are good at what you do, so don't let such technical issues get you down. I have no doubt that you will secure something. The world works in mysterious ways and your first choices may not always be the best choice for you. Things have a way of working out. It's sometimes difficult and/or annoying to live through the uncertainty, but when you look back in your life, you may find that it all makes sense.

Cheers,

thus

=) this is why we love the man.

thank you, thus. although i knew nuts about finance reporting and still dislike it, you made this one of my favourite classes of my uni life.

a robbery, but reminds us all why sports is magic

i still cant get over this, what was undoubtedly the biggest test and major checkpoint of Michael Phelps' record breaking gold haul at the Beijing Olympics. probably the toughest challenge to his assault on Mark Spitz' seven golds at a single Games, with many believing the US were the underdogs, the win provided the ultimate push for Phelps to go on and eclipse the mark. it was the point of no return.

i cant get over it coz it was not their win. it was not his gold. it was France's. even the Australians were contenders. but hats off to Team USA. in a race that saw five countries go below the previous world record, with many individual swimmers clocking unbelievable and never-before-seen laps, it was arguably one of all sport's greatest single event.

congrats (and Phelps although many people have said it u really need to buy him a Ferrari or something) Jason Lezak on an incredible 46.06 split, destroying Alain Bernard and the logic of what human beings can do.





let's look at numbers.

"before the prelims at these Games, the world record stood at 3:12.46, set in 2006. during the prelims, the US team broke that record, swimming 3:12.23.

one day later, in the Olympic final, to go and then chop 4 seconds off that mark is insane. it took 20 years (1988) for the record to drop 4 seconds to the 3:12 range.

the times in the prelims were so fast that it took 3:13.8 to get into the final. Russia, at 3:14.07, a second and a half off the world record, not good enough to make an event.

the Americans, French, Australians, Italians and Swedes smashed the world record together, in one swim. world record-breaking times for the Italians and Swedes, yet no medal.

Phelps swam the lead-off leg for the Americans in 47.51. the world record going into the race was 47.50.

to his left, in lane 3, Eamon Sullivan of Australia touched home first, in 47.24, a world record in the 100m (lead-off legs are eligible for national and world records).

the fastest Olympic lead-off split before this race was South Africa's Roland Schoeman, with a 48.17 in 2004, slow by now."

bound to be remembered as one of the miraculous moments of the Olympics.

Praised by the Wise

"...a man of strong will, authoritative and proud, but of gentle manner and speech, and of infinite benevolence. He claimed enlightenment but not inspiration; he never pretended that a god was speaking through him. In controversy he was more patient and considerate than any other of the great teachers of mankind.

Like Lao-tze and Christ, he wished to return good for evil, love for hate; and he remained silent under misunderstanding and abuse."

Will Durant, American historian, philosopher and Pulitzer Prize winner