CNY 2007

(top to bottom) yewhan w a bigger bowl of soup than us@post-CNY thanksgiving lunch; tryin to muster some energy, durin chushi for wenyi's troupe; on e drum; serangoon gardens' pre-CNY celebrations; e NYJC alumni @wenyi's chushi; our new 7-point dragon performs; lou hei! ; against e odds @cynthia's house; our new 7-point dragon's maiden performance

e day before a friend leaves...

it was a weird day... 03A1X either kept makin funny remarks or displayed signs of past social isolation... this is a really smart grp of lads , ive to say, but e day was anti-norm...

~ 1st was mighty dudley... not juz is he intelligent n thinks massively alot, he's e kind who almost knows everythin fun, u can say... but when we were in e midst of tokin cok abt e Xbox game Topspin n how roger federer wld be peerless, i suggested maybe an akuma sld b created to match federer's godliness... he plainly askd, "who is akuma?"...

~ at chomp chomp, john n i were tellin teck meng how electrifyin e 1998 movie Stormriders was, n he, knowin v well tt aaron kwok n ekin cheng were e leads, suddenly quipped, "e show was decades ago ah?"...

~ then after i revealed there's actually tiz larger-than-life Bu Jing Yun in his trademark "sittin-n-contemplatin-on-e-rooftop" above a comics shop in katong, teck said, "so it's cardboard 1 lah?"... oh my... a cardboard Bu Jing Yun, tts wat e great "asperity" teck thot in his vast mind...

~ n seemingly not to be outdone in e uncanny quest to be out-of-this-world, john looked at our wanton mee, was tempted to order 1 too, n askd if we really were eatin wanton mee... at our muted astonishment, he threw, "why wanton mee got char siew?"...

n then teck flew off to canada... he's a part of 03A1X, my clique in JC... got to know him better only in J2, n realised he's a great bud... but when NS came along, didnt contact much oredi... yet recent times tgt after ORD, our trip to crescendo, n w his impendin departure drawin closer, we hung out more... honestly, quite an awesome guy lah... e kind always there for u, n nvr 1 who puts on a facade... it was e day before he flies off, n 03A1X met at his house, played ard in his room, n went to our friendly neighborhood's chomp chomp n grapevine... he needed to see geraldine 1 last time! ha... i thon-ed at his place, played e nite away, til dud n john came agn e nxt day to send him off...

nxt time we see him, we'll be in uni, i sld hav my drivin license, he wld hav finishd year one, n santa's comin to town... till then!

nothing

tan kheng hua's Do Not Disturb is smart. Manchester United 7-1 Roma. i carried e trojan virus n infected some people, sorry. damn it NSFs juz got a pay rise. Flags of Our Fathers, Letters from Iwo Jima, TMNT, Transformers, Harry Potter, Spiderman 3, Resident Evil: Extinction, Pirates 3, AVP 2, Bourne Ultimatum - this is a huge year for e cinemas. a bowl of bubur chacha is so unhealthy. ive been runnin occasionally since ORD, but it's hittin me tt my system is deteriorating. 300 is awesome for action, but maybe too stylised for a true story supposed to celebrate e courage of afew against odds. e M Hotel's tempura man knows nth except fryin tempuras, coz i saw someone needin his help slicin a piece of lamb, n he panicked. Shooter was rather good, unexpectedly, but im glad i didnt know e plot beforehand. there's so much politics workin at Greenhouse Ritz-Carlton. ive read miller's Death of a Salesman, orwell's 1984, haddon's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, coelho's The Alchemist and zindel's The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds since ORD. global warming n climate change are fuckin serious. i disagree w e timing of e ministers' pay rise. n wth, benchmarkin their pay against GDP?. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. my sis does good cookies n seafood alfredo lasagne. so many 21st to attend tiz year, done are ziyun, chunsi, rachel, yong seng, meiting (shaun forgot about me). earned $200 thru e 15days of CNY caiqing. whitley's mr calvin au yong actually remembers me.

some people have kindly reminded me about e lack of anythin on this blog for awhile now... u see, there really aint much happenin... tt's why... this isnt e kind of blog tt posts every paltry event... n my life's been a bore... maybe i'll put up some photos or sth...

i like motion pictures

e 2nd of e series... anw i duno how many it'll go to... i hope alot, haha... but if u realised it took me a month to do up e 2nd one... coz after e 1st i got abit sian... but still i do love e featured items here, no doubt... i had this 1 all along drafted but incomplete, so cldnt publish...

it's e 1st of e many to-be-featured korean movies i love... heartwarminly funny yet tear-jerkin...

心雨

this is my fav song from 依然范特西... thot i put it up here, coz jay chou didnt exactly release this single... a pity i think... but maybe it's a masterstroke to hold its MV til his 黄金甲 EP... it's the last single out, only durin the last week, already months after the album release... check out the song... 心雨...

橡樹的綠葉啊　白色的竹籬笆
好想告訴我的她　這裡像幅畫
去年的聖誕卡　鏡子裡的鬍渣
畫面開始沒有她　我還在裝傻
說好為我泡花茶　學習擺刀叉
學生宿舍空蕩蕩的家
守著電話　卻等不到她

心裡的雨傾盆而下
也沾不濕她的髮
淚暈開明信片上的牽掛
那傷心原來沒有時差
心裡的雨傾盆而下
卻始終淋不到她
寒風經過院子裡的枝椏
也冷卻了我手中的鮮花

oh ya... not juz do i think this song is so beautifully titled, the upcomin mediacorp drama 萤火虫的梦 features my fav idol teresa as the dreamy n touchin role of, u guessed it, 心雨...

i like motion pictures

i thot of doin a series of posts on my fav movies... supposed i would love it... to let me "publicise" some good things i like to share... if u duno, i love watchin movies and occasionally drama serials... not exactly at the theatres, but snappin up the dvd or vcd n take it in in my comfort n at my own pace... the featured films are of course selected w discretion, n only those that touched or moved me... even if it's only a small extent, because i feel tt those w potential should be given credit as well...

黑暗中，总有心心相惜的敌人。

ive watched this 3times i think... it is supposed to be n would be remembered by many as a cop-hitman tangle, but it's 1 of those movies tt made me cry really hard coz of the background the main plot is based on... n lead man aaron kwok really delivered... no surprise he won a Golden Horse for this... Suen(aaron) is out to nab a corrupt businessman(gallen lo), but w justice seemingly at hand, a key witness was assassinated right before his eyes, by hitman Coke(daniel wu)... on the side of the corrupt is To(ekin cheng), the lawyer for the businessman, who gains his fame by workin for the villains... Suen n To look to be potential

losin myself

was it something new, or a re-discovery? tt feelin seems refreshinly possessin, yet uncannily familiar...

in the most absent-minded fashion, i was locked out of my empty house, n in the subsequent 2hr wait, on the contrary, i fully enjoyed myself... tt feelin is indescribable... i couldn't possibly stand there for this whole time, so i strolled to my estate park... n lost myself... feelin an amazin ease n comfort i lied down on the park bench, gazed, yet aimlessly, at the nite sky, w my mp3 plugged in... i still rmb Nicky's 影子, Mandy Moore's Have a Little Faith in Me, Peter Ho's 真心话 n P. Diddy's I Need a Girl played out... then i went to the swing... it was electrifyin... feelin ur body so light n airy on the swing, w music in ur ears, it's perfect... RHCP's By The Way, Usher's You Remind Me, Sam Lee's 最近, Jay Chou's 一路向北, Oasis' Stop Crying Your Heart Out, Yellowcard's Only One, Houston's I Like Dat, Guang Liang/Xiao Mei's 對你有感覺... i started singin out as if im havin a solo concert... haha... then i came off, sang further, n started dancin... the nite away...

i believe many of u would have experienced something like tt, n would understand... rather unexpectedly, i lost myself in the moment...

omg am i slowly returnin to tt old solitudinous relief complex tt frens have tried to shake me out of...

a long kiss goodbye

n CSM said...

"ur a role model for all the Specialists"...

-dated 071106, ORD-

my sincere farewell to all in Signal Coy... be it people i liked or disliked... if u were there, i still shook ur hand... pity many weren't around... comrades-in-arms, i would like to remember all of u as... no matter how i felt abt the place... it still made up part of my NS memories...

the way i like it...

i was outside... n i saw tiz girl... im not delving into how hot or attractive she is... put it tiz way, she's juz who she is... it was juz an accidental notice... i turned n saw her, holding some finger food, apparently a bun or sth... she glanced at me as well, n started chomping on her food so naturally... at tt moment, i thot it looked so cute n endearing... not her, but wat she did... bcoz, she didnt care how there were eyes, n wat those eyes may be thinkin... tell me, do u think it's easy to be chomping on food alone in a v public place, like a bus stop or walkin in the mall?

natural... tt abandon... feeling n having no restrictions... doing it the way she likes it... "who cares about their opinions?"... i think tts a quality... n it's a quality i look for in my partner... maybe it's a shadow of someone i once knew... maybe... i duno... but it's not a must lah, im not being selective n picky... still, nth wrong in having hope n ideals rite? haha... (hey, no stress ya? though i don't think u even read tiz blog)... when u can do such things so naturally, more often than not u can love freely as well... it's like a linked thing u know? to me lah, haha... n tts important... loving freely is an assurance... there are so many superficial relationships on the streets bcoz partners hide things...

how many of us can be so natural? i honestly haven seen many... n i know for 1 tt i myself cant be... to disregard the people n circumstances around us isnt easy... but to be able to is simply lovely...

them...

beside my bed... ive 2 large windows, n they have curtains... u see, these windows face the sun in the mornin... every mornin, my bed (hence, me as well), will be heated up... burnt... simply crazy to sleep... can imagine ya? irritated in ur sleep... sometimes i draw the curtains the previous nite, which can make the room quite stuffy... sometimes i juz unwillinly climb outta bed in the mornin to draw em... other times, i wake up at 11am (when i get to enjoy tt), fresh n lazy, coz the curtains have been drawn some time in my sleep n saved me from the trouble n sunburn...

beside my life... ive a dad... i don't know him well, n we don't really talk much... but i know he's a great dad... more so, a father... if u get wat i mean... always there, never backin off from his responsibilities... still, there's something between him n i... yet still, blood's thicker than water, n we both acknowledge it... however unspoken it is... n tiz early mornin i got a little restless in bed, n in my half-asleep mode, i saw my dad, quietly walked in... n drew the curtains...

there are definitely these people in ur life... not moved by me yet? juz slow down, take a look around... u will find em... it'll be ur greatest gift...

the road to ORD

im a month into off/leave... i haven clear Combat Shoot n 2nd year SOC... n i expected to be goin back for it... n the calls came in succession...

i went back a day earlier, for IMT... w tt Marksman on my left arm, ive a standard to maintain... it was a breeze then... but it wasnt necessary, i realised... aiyo! should hav gone back a day later lah... range day, my team was changed, n in came C4 sir, alvin, n tt big fat obnoxious clown medic leslie... weixin hit 29/30, i hit 28/30... but the 200 bucks flew away when our teammates, except alvin(u were great), screwed up their firing...

we are Specialists, we cant ORD w/o clearin a basic SOC... ive been trainin... goin for runs almost everyday while at home... day before Combat Shoot, i even went for a conditionin n route familiarisation (only my 2nd SOC in unit leh!) in SBO(minus helmet n rifle; plus 2 full bottles n 4 dummy magazines)... weixin was laughin at me, as usual, when he saw... "aiya now then train, got wat use! don't clear ur SOC earlier, now muz come back durin ORD off/leave to slog, haha" (sidenote: 3SG Ang Weixin is the only non-officer who pass SOC in tiz unit, in 9:10mins)... lucky i understand him, he always speak on impulse, n seldom mean it, n i disregarded his words... btw OC promised 3 day-off for passin SOC... i thot it was ridiculous... anw i didnt think i'd pass...

blow-by-blow account...

reached gatherin point- most looked at me w half-awe-half-alien eyes... why? jasper said, "juz look at Sgt Tianping's webbin, can confirm wat's the standard load liao"... i had removed my webbing stuff to the minimum load (sidenote: ive always, since Sispec, done SOC w all my Gortex, torch, rubber tapes, gloves, ration sachets, utensils etc)... weixin appeared, "can or not? haha"... zhongyuan saw me, "wah, ur back! my competitor come already"... too much attention... im doin my mental build-up, haha...

start point- was goin about my pre-SOC ritual n accidentally smacked my rifle butt into my face! specs were dislocated... aiya fuck it juz continue lah... my original detail comprisin of ORD personnel was reshuffled to supposedly create the fittest n most passable group... so ive benjy, commando, jasper, minhui n C4 sir w me... intimidatin but motivatin...

1st 700m- minhui went flyin off! i had told him the strategy of doin fast runs but slow obstacles, n he chionged... the best runner in my unit, whose SOC's only stumble's at jacob's ladder... jasper, who has never done SOC before, was hence paced by him... commando got nervous n followed... me, benjy n C4 controlled ourselves (we SOC lao jiaos wat!) n were trailin almost 60m... i was gettin breathless, but my load felt damn light...

low wall- commando got stuck... benjy beside me... i felt a 1st pain in my knee when i landed...
parallel bar- minhui surprisinly got stuck... arms felt strong, n the 1st time i thot tiz station is easy... felt 2nd pain in my knee when i landed...
low rope- reached jasper... but i was regainin myself so long tt he completed it, before benjy did too... felt 3rd pain in my knee when i landed...
swingin bridge- benjy stopped here for a breather, i juz hopped thru it...
balancin beam- felt 4th pain in my knee when i landed...
the gate- reached jasper...
jacob's ladder- 1st time i felt so unafraid n steady on it... maybe im really still fresh, which minimises the fear n wobbly legs...
high ramp- felt 5th pain in my knee when i landed...

last 600m- i ran like a monster... ive never done tiz lap in sucha fast speed n short time... i juz got fresher when i left the high ramp... n i didnt wan anyone to catch up from behind, especially minhui... now im left w jasper 15m ahead... n i overtook him w 300m left...

8:59mins... not a superb timing, but Personal-Best... durin Sispec was 9:06mins... any ORD personnel did SOC faster than their command school days? now im 1 month from ORD, n ive still 5 off days to fill up my already-packed calendar w...

it's currently 38hours after the test... n my knee feel spoilt... shit... it has taken its toll...

premonition

[X day] i dreamt... i had involuntarily fell off a MRT station platform n onto the track... in a flash n unexpectedly a train was juz seconds away from me... i froze juz for a moment, before reactin by turnin into a tight corridor... the train rushed past me... i waited as it pulled away, then i climbed out from the sorry state...

[X day + a few days] news... a man had in his depression pushed his ex-girlfriend onto the MRT track, juz before a train arrived... she reacted fast enough to hop onto a tight corridor as the train rushed past her... she was safe, n climbed out afterwards... he was charged w attempted murder...

how eerie...

time

i completed my ACCT, n is ready for ORD! it was fun lah... ICCT fightin's siong bcoz of the gruellin use of the upper body... in ACCT we can kick as well... n of course, the syllabus is more straightforward n logical, w nicer instructors... oh shit i haven clear SOC n combat shoot...

oh yes... the 8SAB soccer team were then thrashed 5-1 by a super strong 40SAR n lost 3-1 to last year's champs 2SIR... in the 40SAR game i personally felt the inclusion of LTA Clarence broke our defence shape lah, n a lack of communication saw us stormed by em... he's a good player, but plays like tiz is some leisure tournament n on his own... their holding midfielder Johnny is 1 of the best ive seen in my playin years... on the level of Tat Hwang(NYJC's captain) n Jackson(Home Utd youth), if u know who these are... n Zeyuan the NYJC's star basketballer is 40SAR's striker, n scored 2 against us... how unimaginable... n 2SIR, a team full of malays n indians, n which funnily lost to 3SIB, proved better than us... a match which duno why i got so inspired, teammates were shakin my hand n praisin my performance afterwards... maybe coz for 1, jasper dropped out due to injury, n 2, as usual, i was so angry w the central midfield, my preferred position, tt i drifted around in double-role...

hmm... started clearin off/leave liao... definitely the 1st i know, tgt w Fuda Benjy n Yanbin... my peers are all still finishin their work or fightin ATEC... tiz is kinda fast n soon... my 1-yr 10-mth service is endin soon, when i still can vividly remember boardin my 1st Penguin ferry, my pledge to the nation, gettin fucked by sergeant Samuel, the smell of Tekong n Dettol body foam, n gettin the Tekong cough...

haha... 一笑而过...

a sad thot

i woke up a sad man today... coz i thot abt my men, the men i have in my unit... i oredi hate it, but it juz came to my mind in the early mornin...

it's such a depressin thot i don't even wanna talk abt it... but it cant seem to get outta my head if i don't release it... maybe here can help...

i have men who are so dramatic... the wayang sense... everyday u see a wayang show... they drift around all day in fancy fervour, exposin others' deeds to u, seekin justice for their perpetual hard work, but never around to help... he polish ur boots, for 1 same thing - to become the apple of ur eye...

i have men equally dramatic... the literary sense... they seem nice enough... the heroes of a story; the good ppl... but time showed me they're bastards... they became villains... it's all an act... how faces can change so suddenly... empty vessels make the most noise... to avoid more work than others, he is willin to sacrifice his buddies...

i have men who make me question myself if it's worth it to be a Specialist... they came in, u saw em as ur responsibility, take em under ur wing, coz u see hope in em... all u do for em, u do for their good... then 1 day, he turns around n stabs u... biting the hand tt feeds u... n u can never find in his eyes again tt gratitude tt's supposed to be there...

i have men who take ur respect, chew it up, n spit it in the bin... u give em the respect, they never reciprocate... in their eyes ur juz the cold n unfeelin sergeant... hell, shouldn't it be the other way?! tiz is army for god's sake... it's regimental for men to respect commanders, n whether it goes the other way is of insignificance...

dramatic? please don't think tiz is fictitious or over-the-top... tiz is how real life can get... honestly... fiction mirrors reality... if not where do the ideas come from... exaggeration? sometimes, but i can say my experiences prove tt the difference aint alot... i think i can truly agree w the Bard tt "all the world's a stage"...

how's it like tt?

i saw zy's blog n i think shes rite... made me feel better... about love... but it's so diplomatic n universal... like coz, we've so many other factors n issues involved... i thank her for those words, but...

i dont wanna feel this way... but i cant help it... u pushed it this far...

u know how much it hurts to know u, yes u, of all ppl, actually ignored something ive mentioned before? im not assumin, i know u knew... i really duno if u can imagine it... it strikes me as u dont care... or u wanna try me... but even for tt, ive forgiven u... coz it's true, i just love u much enough to make me hate fights between us... the feelin sucks honestly...

but u blew it as once again, u showed me tt side of u... how tough it is on u... u see, i understand the things u go thru... like u said, how u put up w me the whole day, how i was mum on the issue n was unfair to u... i admit to all those... but all u transmit across is how tough it is on u to be w me... it's always like, "something's wrong here, u find something's wrong there too","im moody, so ur moody," n "im angry, so ur equally angry"... i duno if im too sensitive or wat... the time spent thinkin has led me to ask, is it a pride thing? are u too proud?

i'll tell u wat i wan... i didnt expect tiz to turn so bad... coz it's straightforward... all i wanted was a lousy, but sincere apology, without any of the usual "other" issues tt u tend to bring up... it would be like any other apology we would make everyday... but u had to say something didnt u? u actually asked me to think thru? i think it's laughable really... when u were the 1 who hurt me isnt it?

the side of u which i cant change... am i wrong to try changin u? some may think so... tt im restrictive, i cant compromise... but am i wrong to change something i cant grow to like or accommodate, something which may destroy us?

it makes me question alot of things... like i sometimes, actually dont really know u at all... or i cant truly know u... wat zy posted makes so much sense, but tt's a perfect scenario... so many other things actually play a part... i wanna let my heart rule, but my head's holdin back...

n now after i blogged all this, im still apprehensive about how u'll hit me back... i'll be so disappointed if u answer me w ur defense again, but i can figure tt's how u'll react... im more than afraid to know ur reply...