after NS, im a changed man. life stopped for 2 years. ok maybe not totally. i have to admit i learnt alot abt life durin those 2 years. but academic life did.
even before entering university, i cld already feel how studies will become important to me. although i started treatin studyin seriously since olevels, i only did e minimum to get where i am today. but this time, after e void, or hiatus, however u call it, i cld feel e rush n anticipatn. n it crystallised. i became a mugger, n im proud of it.
there are 4 kinds of students. e 1st, isnt exactly smart, n is lazy. many of my friends took tt path. e 2nd, is e born smart group. they proved genetics. they dun mug, or even study, but gets good results. e 3rd, is e true mugger, someone who is not naturally smart or sharp but mugs so much he can fly. e last, is e ultimate package. born smart n still mugs. those tt everyone is envious, respects, but hates.
in a place like whitley, u mug abit, u win. in nanyang, u mug abit, ur somewhere there. this is varsity level. its a mug craze. i tried my best. n ppl even commented i mug quite abit. but after these many weeks, i realised n noe now im not gonna get anywhere. at this level, ppl are far too smart. n ppl mug. so if u combine those 2, u get Exhibit 4.
it's too late to be a mugger now.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Sunday, October 07, 2007
perennial chokers
they have choked again.
all blacks 18-20 france.
im frustrated n angry. n i can feel it even in my bones. im sad, yes, but tts not e key emotion.
i noe ppl say it's just a game. but it isnt. it's not fanaticism as well, u see. im not a hardcore rugby fan. i do watch alot more than any ordinary folk, but definitely not as much as im a fan of soccer. but it's sth tt goes to e emotions. it affects u. deeply, in e veins. if ur a sports fan, ull understand.
u noe it's serious when u wake up e next day n e feelin stays w u. it's not e same when manchester united loses to a crap team. those days, i can read it. i can notice e usual flow isnt there. i can notice off-form players. i can notice a lack of heart. when they do lose, u dun see disappointment or regret. sometimes they seem so arrogant n narcissistic tt i'll be pissed how they can be so aloof to e poor showin. but it's different w e all blacks.
it's like. an all-conquering roger federer, sittin atop e tennis rankings since Feb 2004, chasin history, w only e clay French Open eludin him. movin into e Grand Slam, he snapped his main rival, claycourt kingpin rafael nadal's record winning streak on clay. he showed his class thru e French Open, reached e final, n then lost to nadal again. or. benfica inflictin a defeat on manchester united in e last group match of champions league 2005/06, e first time united failed to reach e knockout stages. those were e last times i felt this agonizing after-taste.
it is how everythin builds up. e expectations, e hype, n e history.
easily e greatest rugby team in e sports history. they're considered by almost all to be head n shoulders above e rest. it's as if rugby is e all blacks. e rest are there to chase after em. but, compared to michael schumacher, pete sampras, n liverpool, they do not have e records to show for it. tri-nations, six nations, or any other tours, or takin on other combined all-stars, e all blacks have performed like who they are. they do not just win. they mesmerise. n they walk over their opponents. but e blot is. they've actually not won e world cup since becomin inaugural champions in 1987. 20 whole years they've gone in as favourites. n they've choked.
this time, no different in reputation. an equally strong team compared w e past, w players who are e best in their positions on e globe. some critics even call e team e best ever. ull take note, considering greats like andrew mehrtens, jonah lomu, christian cullen, taine randell, jeff wilson, josh kronfeld, carlos spencer, justin marshall, kees meeuws, n tana umaga are no longer around. they have gone on a rampage under graham henry since 2003, immediately forgettin about e wound. not just were they winnin, they pulled away from their nearest rivals. jonny wilkinson hurt himself n england slumped; australia became a mess; france was in transition. their build-up to this world cup was excellent, most importantly without major disruptions on personnel.
ppl genuinely believed it's gonna be theirs after 20 years. but it was e case every edition. they come in, they sweep e group, then throw it away in e knockouts. e papers had it all. coverage n hype, over if they'll choke again. e match-up was 1999 replayed. france again. flashback, it was also a peerless all blacks against a talented but splutterin french. no one gave em much chance. n e kiwis led 24-10 in no time. but france pulled off one of e greatest turnarounds, scorin 33 points. how much will tt history influence e game? i thot it wont. e all blacks are too professional to be affected. france, supposedly a top 3 favourite of this edition but meekly succumbed to e argentinians on openin day, has gotten her groove back, though maybe not soon enough. e media played up e attention on e opposin hookers, anton oliver n rafael ibanez, legends in their own right, who featured in 1999. e french captain hoped e story will inspire his troops. oliver just wants to erase tt memory n set things right.
like '99, nth was in favor of france. they screwed up openin day's festivities in paris by losing a given. much like e soccer team's loss to senegal on openin day in 2002, when defendin e world cup. they're stylish n has home advantage, but critics pan they lack substance. man for man, they're in for a drubbin. e all blacks now boast e most powerful front row in world rugby; e french were never renowned for tt. serge betsen is a world class flanker, sebastien chabal is fearsome, but richie mccaw, jerry collins, rodney so'oialo, ali williams as e back row looks like an all-star selection. leon macdonald is capable n experienced; france is using an upstart for e critical fullback position. in midfield e experienced first-choice fullback mils muliaina n e talented luke mcalister do face a battle in world class centre yannick jauzion. all blacks' wings are try machines; france only has cedric heymans who is dangerous. in e inspirational position of flyhalf talented youngster lionel beauxis meets 2005 world player of e year daniel carter. only at scrumhalf are the french more equipped, jean-baptiste elissalde a rising star, e possessed byron kelleher just capable. but snarlin on e bench further are most-capped chris jack, record try-scorer doug howlett, underrated nick evans n top deputy kevan mealamu, players who can walk into any other international XV any day. e mercurial frederic michalak is no longer e same man, more erratic than inspirational nowadays. n betsen, one of france's great hopes, was injured 4mins into e match.
this then happened. muliaina n carter injured themselves durin e group stages, n wernt exactly fit for this match. their play showed flaws durin e games against e minor teams. apart from their near-perfect moves in other departments, they were losin too many balls. i was fearful tt france can expose this. n e commentator noted, v insightfully, tt up till now, e strongest test e all blacks have had was scotland, whom they beat 40-0. they not just have to peak now, they must have the fortitude to match a top-pooled country. n they cldnt.
after displayin to france how to play smooth, passin, magical rugby in e openin periods, goin 13-0 up, everythin crumbled in e 2nd half. mcalister got sinbinned, e kiwis were exposed all over, france gained confidence n momentum, ran riot over a panicky all blacks. as all these played out, n when e all blacks needed their best, carter, oliver, kelleher n then reserve flyhalf evans were all replaced. michalak came on, n w his first touch n burst he split e kiwis, n assisted e subsequent try. e all blacks were down. they pushed n pushed w pick-n-gos n in e dyin minutes sent a half-field crazy drop kick wide. before they, as predicted, got turned over in their last possession.
though not like '99, france knew they pulled off sth special. an at first straight-faced but now jubilant bernard laporte vs a proud but defeated henry. there were other lastin images. carter was tearin on e bench, w e veteran mealamu givin him a consolin pat. he knows he cld have done alot more. with near 700 points at only 25, his scorin was relatively low here. if he wasnt half-fit n had peaked, e team cld go all e way. he still has his future ahead, but this cld v well be e best chance he will have. collins, so'oialo, kelleher, mccaw, oliver gave their all, blood n sweat, n looked miserable at e end. it was more than just a game. to these maori warriors, they've let down others whom they fight for. they've let down e performance of e haka. more significantly, they've let e great opportunity to be inducted in history as a formidable force slip.
all blacks 18-20 france.
im frustrated n angry. n i can feel it even in my bones. im sad, yes, but tts not e key emotion.
i noe ppl say it's just a game. but it isnt. it's not fanaticism as well, u see. im not a hardcore rugby fan. i do watch alot more than any ordinary folk, but definitely not as much as im a fan of soccer. but it's sth tt goes to e emotions. it affects u. deeply, in e veins. if ur a sports fan, ull understand.
u noe it's serious when u wake up e next day n e feelin stays w u. it's not e same when manchester united loses to a crap team. those days, i can read it. i can notice e usual flow isnt there. i can notice off-form players. i can notice a lack of heart. when they do lose, u dun see disappointment or regret. sometimes they seem so arrogant n narcissistic tt i'll be pissed how they can be so aloof to e poor showin. but it's different w e all blacks.
it's like. an all-conquering roger federer, sittin atop e tennis rankings since Feb 2004, chasin history, w only e clay French Open eludin him. movin into e Grand Slam, he snapped his main rival, claycourt kingpin rafael nadal's record winning streak on clay. he showed his class thru e French Open, reached e final, n then lost to nadal again. or. benfica inflictin a defeat on manchester united in e last group match of champions league 2005/06, e first time united failed to reach e knockout stages. those were e last times i felt this agonizing after-taste.
it is how everythin builds up. e expectations, e hype, n e history.
easily e greatest rugby team in e sports history. they're considered by almost all to be head n shoulders above e rest. it's as if rugby is e all blacks. e rest are there to chase after em. but, compared to michael schumacher, pete sampras, n liverpool, they do not have e records to show for it. tri-nations, six nations, or any other tours, or takin on other combined all-stars, e all blacks have performed like who they are. they do not just win. they mesmerise. n they walk over their opponents. but e blot is. they've actually not won e world cup since becomin inaugural champions in 1987. 20 whole years they've gone in as favourites. n they've choked.
this time, no different in reputation. an equally strong team compared w e past, w players who are e best in their positions on e globe. some critics even call e team e best ever. ull take note, considering greats like andrew mehrtens, jonah lomu, christian cullen, taine randell, jeff wilson, josh kronfeld, carlos spencer, justin marshall, kees meeuws, n tana umaga are no longer around. they have gone on a rampage under graham henry since 2003, immediately forgettin about e wound. not just were they winnin, they pulled away from their nearest rivals. jonny wilkinson hurt himself n england slumped; australia became a mess; france was in transition. their build-up to this world cup was excellent, most importantly without major disruptions on personnel.
ppl genuinely believed it's gonna be theirs after 20 years. but it was e case every edition. they come in, they sweep e group, then throw it away in e knockouts. e papers had it all. coverage n hype, over if they'll choke again. e match-up was 1999 replayed. france again. flashback, it was also a peerless all blacks against a talented but splutterin french. no one gave em much chance. n e kiwis led 24-10 in no time. but france pulled off one of e greatest turnarounds, scorin 33 points. how much will tt history influence e game? i thot it wont. e all blacks are too professional to be affected. france, supposedly a top 3 favourite of this edition but meekly succumbed to e argentinians on openin day, has gotten her groove back, though maybe not soon enough. e media played up e attention on e opposin hookers, anton oliver n rafael ibanez, legends in their own right, who featured in 1999. e french captain hoped e story will inspire his troops. oliver just wants to erase tt memory n set things right.
like '99, nth was in favor of france. they screwed up openin day's festivities in paris by losing a given. much like e soccer team's loss to senegal on openin day in 2002, when defendin e world cup. they're stylish n has home advantage, but critics pan they lack substance. man for man, they're in for a drubbin. e all blacks now boast e most powerful front row in world rugby; e french were never renowned for tt. serge betsen is a world class flanker, sebastien chabal is fearsome, but richie mccaw, jerry collins, rodney so'oialo, ali williams as e back row looks like an all-star selection. leon macdonald is capable n experienced; france is using an upstart for e critical fullback position. in midfield e experienced first-choice fullback mils muliaina n e talented luke mcalister do face a battle in world class centre yannick jauzion. all blacks' wings are try machines; france only has cedric heymans who is dangerous. in e inspirational position of flyhalf talented youngster lionel beauxis meets 2005 world player of e year daniel carter. only at scrumhalf are the french more equipped, jean-baptiste elissalde a rising star, e possessed byron kelleher just capable. but snarlin on e bench further are most-capped chris jack, record try-scorer doug howlett, underrated nick evans n top deputy kevan mealamu, players who can walk into any other international XV any day. e mercurial frederic michalak is no longer e same man, more erratic than inspirational nowadays. n betsen, one of france's great hopes, was injured 4mins into e match.
this then happened. muliaina n carter injured themselves durin e group stages, n wernt exactly fit for this match. their play showed flaws durin e games against e minor teams. apart from their near-perfect moves in other departments, they were losin too many balls. i was fearful tt france can expose this. n e commentator noted, v insightfully, tt up till now, e strongest test e all blacks have had was scotland, whom they beat 40-0. they not just have to peak now, they must have the fortitude to match a top-pooled country. n they cldnt.
after displayin to france how to play smooth, passin, magical rugby in e openin periods, goin 13-0 up, everythin crumbled in e 2nd half. mcalister got sinbinned, e kiwis were exposed all over, france gained confidence n momentum, ran riot over a panicky all blacks. as all these played out, n when e all blacks needed their best, carter, oliver, kelleher n then reserve flyhalf evans were all replaced. michalak came on, n w his first touch n burst he split e kiwis, n assisted e subsequent try. e all blacks were down. they pushed n pushed w pick-n-gos n in e dyin minutes sent a half-field crazy drop kick wide. before they, as predicted, got turned over in their last possession.
though not like '99, france knew they pulled off sth special. an at first straight-faced but now jubilant bernard laporte vs a proud but defeated henry. there were other lastin images. carter was tearin on e bench, w e veteran mealamu givin him a consolin pat. he knows he cld have done alot more. with near 700 points at only 25, his scorin was relatively low here. if he wasnt half-fit n had peaked, e team cld go all e way. he still has his future ahead, but this cld v well be e best chance he will have. collins, so'oialo, kelleher, mccaw, oliver gave their all, blood n sweat, n looked miserable at e end. it was more than just a game. to these maori warriors, they've let down others whom they fight for. they've let down e performance of e haka. more significantly, they've let e great opportunity to be inducted in history as a formidable force slip.
Friday, October 05, 2007
she against e giant
NTU Ministerial Forum 2007.
we actually got LKY this year. we're lucky, n it's surprisin. we all know his partiality towards Nantah. so there were endless queues for e tickets when they were distributed. lucky i went on e 1st day (considerin e "tmr lah" mentality of undergrads) n at e earliest time i cld. titus joined me in e queue n conveniently got a ticket.
i heard e last time he had sucha forum, some wise guy thot he cld challenge LKY n ask some politically-incorrect (no pun intended) questions. it created a major hoo-ha n received a strong rebuttal from the man himself. tt guy was also subsequently killed in the media, doin sth tt seems expressive n noble but is widely regarded as impossible in spore. i didnt think this time wld b so controversial. especially if foreigners eventually dominate e QnA session.
being such a regimental Specialist myself i was subconsciously noticing e order of procedure. we were ordered to report one-and-half hour before LKY arrives. there was metallic screenin for everyone; common audience like us were separated from e press, who were e only ones allowed cameras, while we cldnt even bring bags in. when inside, e sternness was unmistakeable. e air had an undercurrent of anxiety. it was like a Communist congress. every few mins, e emcee wld appear to remind us of e magnitude of e event. when e few thousand seats were filled up in e manner they want, it was just right for e man's arrival. his entourage had his wife, his minders, and expectedly his bodyguards. they came in wave by wave, to clear e path n possibly part e seas. when he finally entered, it can be seen that his pace has slowed considerably over e years, but it simply adds to his aura. we were up in salute, but it didnt feel as much a host's welcome as a national reverance.
when e forum was nearin e end, there were tense movements all round. personnel gettin into position, e kind they rehearsed in much detail before. e emcee was timing her move, to end e forum in sync, n his entourage was mechanical in their jobs. but she broke e regimentation. in procedure, content, n argument.
i knew she had such streaks. i was proven right. she told me before e forum when i met her outside that she's here as e press, n that she wont be askin questions or wat. but when a forum goes by with 6 of e 7 questions asked durin QnA by foreigners, even promptin LKY to ask for locals to go to e mic, i cld feel she was comin.
after e moderator ended e QnA. after e emcee walked out. after LKY has stood up. she rushed to e mic, n boomed a voice that took us all aback. it almost felt like blasphemy. she seeked e man to answer one last question from her. it was a keen moment. he cld reject n walk away without much hoo-ha. but i sense he knew this generation of students n media wld expect him to not shy away. however his hesitance is understandable - e aggressive nature of this girl hints at a difficult question.
e Lit major went, "Do you see a natural contradiction in censorship codes and Singapore's efforts to promote artistic expression?"
LKY, "What is the problem you see?"
"For example, at the Singapore Arts Festival, there have been films that were censored to such an extent that the artists decided to withdraw their films from the festival.
So in this case, Singaporeans did not get exposed enough to artistic works, within Singapore."
LKY, "I don't see that as a great deprivation."
"The thing is we can travel out of Singapore..."
LKY, "No, no, you don't have to travel out. They will come. You can see it on the Internet..."
"Yes, but with regard to local artists' creations, there have been impediments because of the censorship code so there's a limit to what we can produce."
LKY, "I just find it unbelievable that your artistic expression...is being suppressed because of the censorship code. It cannot be. What is it you want to say, do, draw, paint?"
"OK, I'm not saying that pornography, for example, will help in artistic expression...Films relating to politics and explicit art are limited."
LKY, "What is explicit art?"
"As in maybe films that depict homosexual roles."
LKY, "Surely you can find expression through many other areas...
The movement is towards a globalised world culture. But we have to retain certain values of our own... Eventually, if that becomes the mainstream, with homosexual acceptance in China, in Taiwan, in Hong Kong, it will come to us. But we will go at a speed which makes our people comfortable. At the moment, if you move in this direction, you're going to make a lot of people unhappy and it's not necessary. Let's treat this in an adult way... If you're born homosexual, then so be it, but must you parade it and must you go out of your way to antagonise, embarrass or defy people with more conventional views? I think it is not necessary."
michelle chiang hui ling. my classmate. my Project Work grpmate. my filmmakin mate.
we actually got LKY this year. we're lucky, n it's surprisin. we all know his partiality towards Nantah. so there were endless queues for e tickets when they were distributed. lucky i went on e 1st day (considerin e "tmr lah" mentality of undergrads) n at e earliest time i cld. titus joined me in e queue n conveniently got a ticket.
i heard e last time he had sucha forum, some wise guy thot he cld challenge LKY n ask some politically-incorrect (no pun intended) questions. it created a major hoo-ha n received a strong rebuttal from the man himself. tt guy was also subsequently killed in the media, doin sth tt seems expressive n noble but is widely regarded as impossible in spore. i didnt think this time wld b so controversial. especially if foreigners eventually dominate e QnA session.
being such a regimental Specialist myself i was subconsciously noticing e order of procedure. we were ordered to report one-and-half hour before LKY arrives. there was metallic screenin for everyone; common audience like us were separated from e press, who were e only ones allowed cameras, while we cldnt even bring bags in. when inside, e sternness was unmistakeable. e air had an undercurrent of anxiety. it was like a Communist congress. every few mins, e emcee wld appear to remind us of e magnitude of e event. when e few thousand seats were filled up in e manner they want, it was just right for e man's arrival. his entourage had his wife, his minders, and expectedly his bodyguards. they came in wave by wave, to clear e path n possibly part e seas. when he finally entered, it can be seen that his pace has slowed considerably over e years, but it simply adds to his aura. we were up in salute, but it didnt feel as much a host's welcome as a national reverance.
when e forum was nearin e end, there were tense movements all round. personnel gettin into position, e kind they rehearsed in much detail before. e emcee was timing her move, to end e forum in sync, n his entourage was mechanical in their jobs. but she broke e regimentation. in procedure, content, n argument.
i knew she had such streaks. i was proven right. she told me before e forum when i met her outside that she's here as e press, n that she wont be askin questions or wat. but when a forum goes by with 6 of e 7 questions asked durin QnA by foreigners, even promptin LKY to ask for locals to go to e mic, i cld feel she was comin.
after e moderator ended e QnA. after e emcee walked out. after LKY has stood up. she rushed to e mic, n boomed a voice that took us all aback. it almost felt like blasphemy. she seeked e man to answer one last question from her. it was a keen moment. he cld reject n walk away without much hoo-ha. but i sense he knew this generation of students n media wld expect him to not shy away. however his hesitance is understandable - e aggressive nature of this girl hints at a difficult question.
e Lit major went, "Do you see a natural contradiction in censorship codes and Singapore's efforts to promote artistic expression?"
LKY, "What is the problem you see?"
"For example, at the Singapore Arts Festival, there have been films that were censored to such an extent that the artists decided to withdraw their films from the festival.
So in this case, Singaporeans did not get exposed enough to artistic works, within Singapore."
LKY, "I don't see that as a great deprivation."
"The thing is we can travel out of Singapore..."
LKY, "No, no, you don't have to travel out. They will come. You can see it on the Internet..."
"Yes, but with regard to local artists' creations, there have been impediments because of the censorship code so there's a limit to what we can produce."
LKY, "I just find it unbelievable that your artistic expression...is being suppressed because of the censorship code. It cannot be. What is it you want to say, do, draw, paint?"
"OK, I'm not saying that pornography, for example, will help in artistic expression...Films relating to politics and explicit art are limited."
LKY, "What is explicit art?"
"As in maybe films that depict homosexual roles."
LKY, "Surely you can find expression through many other areas...
The movement is towards a globalised world culture. But we have to retain certain values of our own... Eventually, if that becomes the mainstream, with homosexual acceptance in China, in Taiwan, in Hong Kong, it will come to us. But we will go at a speed which makes our people comfortable. At the moment, if you move in this direction, you're going to make a lot of people unhappy and it's not necessary. Let's treat this in an adult way... If you're born homosexual, then so be it, but must you parade it and must you go out of your way to antagonise, embarrass or defy people with more conventional views? I think it is not necessary."
michelle chiang hui ling. my classmate. my Project Work grpmate. my filmmakin mate.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
reflections
god wat's happenin in burma. somebody do something please.
History lect. Dr Wang was really passionate while talkin abt e atrocities of CCP's Mao Zedong. considerin hes from China. but e class was either nappin, on msn, or chattin away. includin me. but i looked up for a moment n felt it. e apathy was really poignant. all in all, Mao caused e deaths of ard 72 million Chinese, more than e combined total of Hitler and Stalin.
did we care? will we ever care? if even History students are like tt.
not forgettin this bunch of us is e only hope in NTU, which offers no History degree even with a Humanities And Social Sciences dept. no wonder scholars are sayin e History discipline is dying.
"without history man is nothing."
History lect. Dr Wang was really passionate while talkin abt e atrocities of CCP's Mao Zedong. considerin hes from China. but e class was either nappin, on msn, or chattin away. includin me. but i looked up for a moment n felt it. e apathy was really poignant. all in all, Mao caused e deaths of ard 72 million Chinese, more than e combined total of Hitler and Stalin.
did we care? will we ever care? if even History students are like tt.
not forgettin this bunch of us is e only hope in NTU, which offers no History degree even with a Humanities And Social Sciences dept. no wonder scholars are sayin e History discipline is dying.
"without history man is nothing."
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